Hi there
I'm really pleased that you have contacted me about the stress you have been experiencing. It can be difficult to know what to expect when you start something very new like university. It can be a while before you notice how stressed you are because things can build up gradually. Stress can affect people in different ways, and you have described some very typical responses, such as losing motivation, procrastination, work piling up, and feeling like you might explode. It also sounds like you have been blaming yourself when you talk about laziness being the possible cause of procrastination. Because our initial response to stress is automatic, it really isn't your fault that work has piled up and you find it difficult to remember the course material.
It sounds like you need some help in dealing with the stress, and you might be interested to know that in the majority of cases, students can find that some basic coaching in organising their work, plus learning some stress management techniques can actually help to turn things around for you. Stress actually impairs the memory, so when you feel more organised, and have learned some ways of calming down the stressful feelings, you should notice that your ability to remember your coursework improves. You could begin by finding out what coaching and support services your university provides, and if you feel that you need to talk to someone now, call ChildLine on 0800 1111 or have a 1-2-1 chat online with a ChildLine Counsellor through the ChildLine website.
Take care
Sam