Hi there and thank you for your letter.
I think you have been really brave to write me about the difficult time you've had lately and the pressure you're feeling from your parents to do well at school.
You have told me that you also had been beaten up by your boyfriend, this is physically abusive behaviour that you do not deserve and no-one has the right to treat you that way.
You say you feel that if it wasn’t for your self harming as a way to cope with your difficulties and a way to calm you down, that you might not be here today. I think that you have done so well to find a way of coping that is working for you right now. ChildLine can support you to make sure that you keep yourself as safe as possible when self harming and identify other options you might have as coping strategies when you feel ready. If you feel ready you could talk to a counsellor at ChildLine about how you are feeling, and together you could look at other options that you have; options to feel more in control of how your life is now.
You can contact a counsellor at ChildLine by calling on 0800 1111 (which is free from most phones including mobiles) or through the website on 1-2-1 online chat (like MSN), it might give you a chance to get more immediate support for your feelings about all that is happening with you right now.
By what you have told me, it sounds as if you have much concern about making the right choices and are fearful of making the wrong choices that will affect your future. It might be helpful for you to know that whatever choice you make about your education at this time is ok, and there may be opportunities later to change that choice if it becomes clear it is not suitable for you. ChildLine is here to support you and understand that at this time in your life, it can often make us feel panicky about what to do next.
Again, I think you have shown great courage to write to me.