Dear S*,
Thanks for writing to me at what sounds like a difficult time for you. From what you say it seems like you feel like you don’t fit in with the other girls in your school because you are different to them.
It can be tricky being different from our peers but it is quite normal. During our secondary school years we begin our transition into young adulthood and this brings about many changes within our body both physically and mentally. Our bodies begin to change and changes in hormones make us feel up one minute and down the next! It is also a time that we develop our own identity and work out where we fit in the world around us and that sounds like what is happening to you right now.
Feeling different to others at this time of change, is not unusual but can leave us feeling like ‘we don’t get on’ with others and have little in common with our peers. You mention that your friends are both similar to you but also different and it is the similarities that bring you together but the differences that make you individual and interesting.
While we need friendships we also need to fulfil ourselves and it is important not to give up your individuality as you may end up feeling anger, resentment and/or regret. You should celebrate and value your differences and those in others around you. It would be a boring world if we were all the same.
You say that you have tried to speak to your parents about how you feel but they have not fully understood the situation. It may be easier for you if you could speak to another adult first, maybe a close family member or school counsellor who can help you to talk to talk to your parents. You could try writing a letter to your parents like you did to me as it is very clear from that how you feel or you could show them this reply on the ChildLine website if you prefer. Have a look at the, Friends message board, this is a place where other young people have written about their experiences with friendships and you could also post a message and seek support and advice from the online community too.
Take care,
Sam