Hi there
Thank you for emailing, it sounds like a lot has been happening with you, not only with the self-harming but with the school and other people getting involved as well.
Reading your email, it sounded like you’ve been thinking a lot about the future: about what will happen once social services get involved and if they don’t believe you. It sounds like you really are getting scared that they won’t, and that they’ll send you to court unless you can convince them.
Social Services' main aim, above everything else, is to make sure that you’re safe. It’s important to remember that if they are coming to see you and to talk to you, not because you’ve done anything wrong, but to make sure that you are safe and to see if there’s anything they might be able to do to help.
When you see them, it’s important to be as honest as you can about the reasons why you did bring the knife into school, as well as being as honest as you can about what’s been making you self-harm. Like I said, they’re there to help you as much as they can.
It really sounds like you do care a lot about your mum and dad and like you really don’t want to hurt anyone. Self-harm can be a way that people relieve or even express what they’re feeling. It can be hard for a school to understand this and why ou do bring a knife or a blade into school, because even if you don’t plan on using it, other people, like your friend, might find it.
It can be good to think a little about what you might be able to do in the future when you are at school, or in a public place, and you feel like you need to self-harm. ChildLine have a Self-harm message board which has loads of young people supporting each other and giving great advice about self harm. As well as that it might be good to look at the Explore page on Self-Harm.
I’m really worried that you are thinking that if you go to court that you’ll kill yourself. It’s important to remember that you don’t have to deal with this on your own. It might be worth thinking a little about what your mum and dad might say if you told them how worried you are and what’s been going through your mind. I know it can be really hard to say these kinds of things. A lot of young people find that it can help them to write it as a letter, meaning that they can control when they give it to the person or even leave it for them to find.
It might be good for you to talk to a ChildLine Counsellor, it can give you a chance to talk about how you’re feeling and maybe help you get some support with what you are worried about with the future. You can talk to them about anything, and they won’t ever question whether what you’re saying is true or not. You can talk to one by email, like you did with me, by calling them on 0800 1111 (it’s completely free and won’t show up on the phone bill) or even by coming onto the 1-2-1 chats on the website. They’re there 24 hours a day and 7 days a week.
Take care
Sam