Thanks for your letter
I don't think you are in anyway being nasty when you say you don't want to be gay.
Everyone is different and some find comfort having the same sex relationship more than others do. But because you feel a closeness to another boy or girl does not mean to say that you are gay.
You don't say how old you are but as teenagers you will grow and develop. Your whole physical and emotional state will go through lots of changes.
You may feel drawn to the same sex and have sexual feelings. This is a normal experience. Many young people experience this from quite a young age and know clearly that they want a same sex relationship.
Don't be hard on yourself take some time to think about your relationship with your best friend. Relax, talk to him and find out if he feels the same way? Maybe there is someone else close enough to talk to about how you feel right now?
Check out the ChildLine message boards and send in a post to see what other young people have to say?
Or have a look at other web sites that might help with this www.teenagehealthfreak.org this gives information about all sorts of issues as well as www.ru-ok.com
Take care
Sam