Hi
Thanks for writing. It sounds like you’re having a hard time coming to terms with your feelings about your sexual orientation. It also sounds like you are judging yourself against the expectations of other people, like your sisters and your parents.
You’ve said you’ve had a recent sexual experience with a guy which has changed how you feel about boys. This is perfectly normal. In fact, everything you are feeling and experiencing is normal. Take time to consider how you are feeling and keep yourself safe. For more information about sex, relationships and keeping yourself safe, you can visit these pages on the Brook website.
It’s important to be true to yourself. Denying important and personal feelings around your sexual orientation is unlikely to make you feel better.
Only you can decide on the right time to come out. Think about coming out to yourself first, before talking to anyone and when you do decide to talk to someone else, think carefully about who you think you can trust. It sounds like you have experienced some homophobia from those around you and you’ve mentioned feeling scared about your family’s reaction.
It might be an idea to think about coming out in stages. You don’t have to tell your family right away. Is there a trusted friend or an adult in your life who you feel you could talk to first? Is there a supportive teacher who might be able to help challenge the bullying at school? Or a youth group in your area for lesbian and gay teens? Coming out is a journey and sometimes it is a long journey. Think of this journey as taking one step at a time.
Writing this letter has been a great first step. Think of what your next step might be. ChildLine is here to help you explore your options so please stay in touch. We’d love to hear from you again. Follow this link to find out more about the different ways you can talk with a ChildLine counsellor.
Take care
Sam