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Ask Sam

Topic Friends 

Question

To Sam 

19/7/11 7.27pm 

Friends 


Hi, Im a 17 year old girl and i just feel that im so defferent from other people my age. I have 4 very close friends and I have always stuck by them at the peril of losing other friends, I always give advice and bend over backwards to help them and i dont feel that they would ever do the same for me.  They would much rather go out drinking and having sex whereas I prefer to sit in and watch a DVD, im not anti social, i just dont enjoy what they do.  they all have private jokes and things that mean something to them and i dont, i feel so left out.  i cant really confront them because they make me feel like a total idiot and like its all in my head and that its my fault, i feel so singled out and alone.  They hardly ever ask me to go places with them and when I ask them they make me feel like im just a burden in their lives so much so im scared to ask them because i dont want to be knocked back. I feel like im missing out on life because i dont spend as much time with them since we left school and i feel a bit depressed.  i sometimes wish i was someone else because im so unhappy but then i feel guilty because i know ive got a family that loves me unconditionally.  Im so unhappy (even though i hide it very well) and confused.  I do have lots of other friends so im not totally alone, i just want my friends back the way we used to be.  I used to be the most popular and the most confident in the group and now im the most excluded. Also, my lack of self confidence, my body issues and the fact ive not had a proper boyfriend make me a deeply unhappy person.  Please give me some advice, thank you :) x
Sam's answer

Sam 

1/8/11 2.13pm 

Hi there

Thank you for writing in to say how you are feeling about things. 

You have said that you feel different to other people your age and you have explained what things are like for you when you are with your friends.  From what you have said it sounds like you feel left out and alone as they do things and talk about things that you don’t feel very comfortable with. 

You have said that you don’t even want to ask them to go places with you as you don’t want to be knocked back. I imagine that this brings up a lot of difficult feelings for you.

Friends are an important part of life and it feels good to have friends that care about you. It seems like at the moment you feel that your friends are letting you down because of the way they are acting. It is ok to have differences with your friends and not everybody likes to do the same things, but it does sound like you feel they are leaving you out and this is making you feel unhappy.

You do talk about having other friends but it sounds like you would like things to go back to the way they were. 

I would like to encourage you to talk to somebody about the way you are feeling right now.  It might be a good idea to call ChildLine to talk to a counsellor about what is going on for you, particularly as you have also mentioned other things that are bothering you, like your lack of self confidence, body issues and the fact you haven’t had a proper boyfriend. It is really good that you are able to identify what issues are getting you down and you might find it quite helpful to talk things through with somebody who will listen to you without judging you. You might also find our tips on building confidence and self-esteem helpful.

ChildLine is always open so you can call to talk to someone anytime. The number is 0800 1111 and is free to call. If you prefer you could talk to a counsellor through 1-2-1 chat online or by sending an email.

I hope this helps.

Take care

Sam

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