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Topic Ex Friends :/ 

Question

To Sam 

18/01/2012 17:18 

Ex Friends :/ 

Last year I got really depressed. The thing was, I was bothering with the people I had for 8 years who were my best friends. When we started back in september, they were acting different, treating me like rubbish, ignoring me, doing stupid stuff and generally leaving me out. I was ready to kill myself... so in december I stood up for myself and told them how it was. They denied everything, so I decided to bother with other people. Don't give me wrong, I'm happier now but everytime I see my ex friends, they always look happy and don't even seem that sad I'm not their friends, in fact they seem a lot happier without me and that really hurts. Sam, is it natural for me to feel this way or am I just being ungrateful and living in the past? Please reply if you can, thank you!
Sam's answer

Sam 

18/01/2012 17:21 

Hi there,

I can see that you and your ex-friends had known each other for a long time and sometimes people change which can result in friends growing apart. It is really good that you were brave enough to stand up to them and bother with other people and it seems that has helped in you feeling happier. Friends are supposed to be people who you have fun with, enjoy being around as well as supporting you when you need them to.

It can be difficult to see that your ex-friends seem to have moved on and it is normal the feelings that you are having about them moving on from the friendship that you shared with them for eight years but from your letter it sounds like you are moving on and it might be that it takes you longer to move on than it did for them.

When any relationship breaks down it is hard to move on straight away and even though you can see the benefits of moving away from your old friends it seems that you would have liked them to be sad that you are no longer friends. Everyone is different and deal with things in their own way. You mention about living in the past and it is about thinking about how you can start to move on from them and enjoy the new friendships and the happier you. It might be worth having a look at the information in Explore about friendships as and some of the problems that may be similar to yours.

I am worried that you felt that you were ready to take you life and it sounds from your letter that this was an affect of what was happening around you at that time. I just want to let you know that if you ever feel that way there is always someone at ChildLine that you could talk this through with either by phone, email or a 1-2-1 chat (similar to MSN).

Take care,

Sam

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