Ask Sam

I recently broke up with my boyfriend because he was 17 and i was 14. He was my closest friend and now he says i dont mean anything to him. He says im dead to him and that he doesnt want me to talk to him anymore, he says i deserve this all and the nasty names that he is calling me because I hurt him so bad.

I said sorry 100 times but he doesnt listen to me, i said i never wanted to hurt him and i get abuse, but i really want to stay friends with him, I know the chances of that are really small but I still want to be mates. But can I? I dont know what to do. He also said that he will mess up his A-levels because of me and that I should live with that for the rest of my life. I then said I have GCSES to worry about too and that there is both of us that have studies to do and he ignroed that and started calling me nasty names saying I have ruined his life and that he has never been so hurt before.

My reasons for breaking up with him is partly because of my mum who just wants me to study, peer pressure and me just wanting to be single for a while. He said all I think about is him and that I dont love him and called me more names. I kept saying Im sorry but he wont believe that.

I dont know what more I could do. Also, as we have tons of friends in common, they will take sides and I dont want our friends to take sides, I want to share them , like we used to.. please help me sam

Thank you,

Anon ---

Hi there

Thanks for writing to me about this situation with your ex-boyfriend; it sounds like it’s a really hurtful and upsetting time for you.

It seems as though he’s saying some really unpleasant things to you. From what you have said, the way he is talking to you is really not OK. No-one deserves to be spoken to like that no matter what the circumstances. It’s clear that he means a lot to you and that you have tried as hard as you can to be reasonable while making it clear what you want. Well done for doing that.

It seems very unfair of him to suggest that you might be responsible for his A-Level results. We are all individually responsible for how hard we study and the work we do and we shouldn’t try to blame anyone else.

You’ve said that you don’t know what more you can do. It sounds to me like you’ve done all you can. You’ve made it clear what you want, and that you would like to still be friends, and you’ve apologised. I wonder how you would feel about giving him some space for a while. People can behave in ways that they wouldn’t normally when they are hurt, so it could be that he just needs a bit of time to get over his sad feelings about the end of your relationship. You asked if you are able to stay friends with him. This isn’t a question I can answer for sure one way or the other, I’m afraid, but again, perhaps a bit of time might make things feel different for both of you.

It sounds as though you’re worried about friends taking sides. Perhaps you could express some of those worries to your good friends and see what they say about it, explaining that you would like everyone to stay friends if possible.

If ever you want to talk this over with a ChildLine counsellor, you can call free on 0800 1111, or sign up and use 1-2-1 chat. You could also take a look at the message boards to see what other young people say.

Take care

Sam