Thanks for writing to me about the things that are on your mind at the moment. It feels like you have taken a big step in talking to me about your past. You said that you want to tell your boyfriend about it because you don’t want to keep things from him. I think that sounds like a really brave idea, but I can hear that you’re finding it hard to work out how to tell him.
Sorting out your feelings after being raped and abused can be a long and difficult process, as you’ve found. I get lots of letters from young people who survived abuse. What I have found is that being able to talk about it with people who make you feel safe and supported is a really important step to coming to terms with it. Talking to your boyfriend sounds like a good place to start.
I’m wondering what it was like for you when you wrote the letter to me and how it made you feel. Sometimes writing things down is a good way of both helping you to get things out of your system but it can also be a way of explaining something important to someone else. Deciding to write it down means that you can work on what you want to say. You might like to try writing to your boyfriend to explain things to him.
You also mention that you self-harm and I want to remind you about keeping safe when you do this. Keeping the wounds and tool you use clean and free from infection is a big part in this. Remember that if you do need medical attention, it’s okay to phone 999 for help. You can find out more about self-harming and safer alternatives on the Childline website. You also mention a minor eating problem and there is information on both these subjects in the damaging yourself section in Explore.
If you find you want to talk more, your GP or school nurse should be able to arrange extra support for you, such as a referral to a counselling service. You could also think about exploring your options with a ChildLine counsellor. You can talk to them by free phone (0800 1111), by a 1-2-1 chat or by sending an email.