Hi there,
Thank you for your letter it sounds like you’re really worried about your girlfriend and trying to be very supportive of her.
The reasons that people self-harm can be complicated. You’ve not said in which way your girlfriend is self-harming and depending on what she’s doing it can be dangerous. There may be some safer ways that your girlfriend could get her feelings out. Different things work for different people. Some people find that writing things down helps, going for run, or doing things creative like art or playing music. You can read some more information about self-harm in our information page.
Talking can also be a great way to release feelings. I know that you’ve said you’ve asked your girlfriend if she wants to talk to you. I’m not sure from what you’ve said whether she feels that she is able to do this or not. I know that sometimes it can be difficult for people to open up to those that they are close to and they can sometimes find it easier to talk to people that they don’t know.
You say you’ve tried to get her to go and see a counsellor but she won’t. Some people find it difficult to speak to someone face to face and I wonder whether she might find it easier to talk to someone at ChildLine. Some ways she could do this are by phoning on 0800 1111 or using the 1-2-1 chat service on the ChildLine website. She could speak to a counsellor about what’s going on for her and they could see how they could support her.
ChildLine is confidential, which means that they don’t tell anyone anything you tell them unless you want them to or unless they think a child or young persons life is in immediate danger.
I wonder whether you might also find it helpful to talk to someone at ChildLine about how what’s going on with your girlfriend is affecting you.
Another thing that both you and your girlfriend might find interesting is the message boards on the ChildLine website. On there are posts where other young people talk about their thoughts and feelings around self-harm .
I also want you to know that if you do ever feel like your girlfriend needs any medical help you can dial 999 for an ambulance.
Take care
Sam