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Ask Sam

Topic Family traditions driving me mad 

Question

To Sam 

18/07/2011 1:36pm 

Family traditions driving me mad 

Hi, I'm going out with this boy. He is really nice and has helped me during my life. My home life is a whole other topic that really gets me down and makes me feel like rubbish but he takes me away :) Makes me happy. But he keeps going on about this tradition in his family. Everyone in his family have had a child at the ages of 18/19. And he keeps hinting like he wants me to. They don't have one by accident, its like planned. I really want to like grow up with him and everything because I've never got along with someone like this. And well he wants me to have one then. I can't I wanna go to uni, get a degree in equine veterinary stuff :) I'm on track to but this would stop me and my mum and brothers and dad would be really disapointed in me, but i really dont wanna let him down. I've tried talking to him but it's like it has to happen. I don't want to. It's getting me more down recently ontop of everything else. Even though I really love him. Any ideas :)

Sam's answer

Sam 

22/07/2011 6:21pm 

Hello

Thank you for sending your letter to me. 

It sounds like you feel caught in the middle between what your boyfriend wants to happen in the future and what you want to happen in the future.  It also sounds like you feel that, by not going to university, you would be disappointing your family.  Whilst it can be useful to take into account the feelings of others in situations like this, you should try to do what is best for you in the long run. 

This isn’t always an easy thing to do but it sounds like you already have some idea of what you would like to do. I can hear that you really love your boyfriend and it might be an idea for you to write down on a piece of paper the advantages and disadvantages of doing what he wants, compared to doing what you want.

I would encourage you to take the next step and come and talk to one of the counsellors at ChildLine as this will give you the opportunity to have a chat about this in real time.  The counsellors can also help you find ways of coping with the situation so you don’t feel so down.  You can contact by phone on 0800 1111, or sign up on the website for a 1-2-1 chat or send an email.

Take care

Sam

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