Thank you for your letter, I’m really glad you chose to write in.
You’ve told me you are not sure if you actually like the boy you are dating and it sounds like you are a bit confused about how you should be feeling at the moment. You’ve talked about him being really sweet and having a nice personality, this is something that sounds more meaningful to you than looks or what other people think. That’s a positive attitude to have as it’s important that you feel comfortable with the person you are dating and to know you deserve to be treated well by them.
You’ve said that the reason you don’t think you like him in that way is because you don’t fully understand love yet. When reading this part of your letter, it made me think this is having the biggest impact on how you feel about this relationship. I think it’s natural to want to understand what love is and this would be a tough question for me to answer. There are many types of love and love can mean different things to different people. How you feel about someone or something is usually a good guide to help you find the answers you need. Love can be something that is there from the very beginning or it can be something that takes time to grow. It’s valuable to know that there is no right time to discover what loves means to you.
In your letter you mentioned that you want to stay with him and that you are starting to like him in that way, but also that you don’t know if you should stay with him because no relationship is better than a fake one. I’m wondering if that means you feel that the reality of a relationship differs from your idea of what a relationship could be like. It might be helpful for you to write down all the things that you feel are important to have in a relationship and also the qualities you want the person you are dating to have.
Trusting your instincts and your own feelings can be a very powerful way to help you figure out if something feels right for you. It’s important to remember that you have the choice to continue with this relationship, but also to take the time to work out your feelings if you feel this is what you need.
You’ve asked some really great questions in your letter and I would encourage you to talk some more with one of the ChildLine counsellors directly by calling 0800 1111 (free from any phone), 1-2-1 chat (similar to instant messaging) or by email.