I can see there is a lot that is going on for you at the moment, and it’s important that you know that at ChildLine we believe really strongly that every person matters. I’m really glad you’ve decided to contact me to share what is happening, as you have a right to be supported and taken seriously.
It’s understandable you might feel angry or upset at times because of how some of your friends have been treating you lately. Friends are meant to be there to be supportive and caring. Having a laugh with someone can be okay, as long as it’s not at someone else's expense and leaves the person feeling uncared for or offended and it sounds like that is how you feel. Making fun of someone’s disability, which is something no one can help, isn’t funny or acceptable. You do have a right to tell your friends how you feel about their behavior and expect them to listen and take you seriously.
In regards to what you spoke about with your father, whilst you say you aren’t bothered about having physical fights with him, that is something that is really serious and concerning to hear. No one has a right to harm you physically, including your father, and he certainly doesn’t have a right to throw you out of your house. That is very serious behaviour and you could be at real risk of being harmed or hurt both physically and emotionally. It’s up to you if you wish to share that with anyone, but if you want to you can tell a teacher, social worker or another adult you trust about what it going on, as you have a right to tell and expect his behaviour to stop. Also, you can always ring the police if you are being harmed or forced out of your home. You have a right to be safe and protected, and your dad doesn’t have a right to harm you or put you at risk.
I agree with what you said about your aunt and your cousin. Being able to talk about someone is really important to keep your thoughts and feelings and memories about that person alive. Talking about people you’ve lost through death or illness can be hard for some people. There are other ways of keeping someone’s memory alive too, like for example keeping a ‘memory jar’ or ‘memory book’ – that is where you write down things you can recall about someone and you put them in a book or jar, so that those memories are out there somewhere safe. The main thing is that you do have a right to share how you feel about them.
Talking about things can be really helpful, and the counsellors here at ChildLine care about every one who calls and what they have to say. I’d really like to encourage you to think about picking up the phone to ring us, or coming online to have a 1-2-1 chat about what you are experiencing or feeling. You can talk about absolutely anything and we will listen to you. Phoning on 0800 1111 is free, and contacts to ChildLine are confidential.