Ask Sam

Dear Sam    *I've changed some names in this letter.*

I've been feeling really down lately, things have been getting on top of me and I'm finding it hard to be happy.

I'm 15 and my GCSE exams are coming up in the next few weeks. I'm spending as much time as possible revising, although I feel I'm not doing enough  :(  I really don't want to fail my exams and have to resit them. I've got so much pressure on me to do well, coming from the school and from home. I want to do well so my Mum will be proud of me. I really want to please her and make her happy so that's just added pressure. I've put pressure on myself too. I want to do well so I can get a good job in the future and not end up working in Tesco's like my Mum does  :/  I'm finding it really hard to fit revision in. I have a boyfriend and I have a 'proper' relationship with him. I see him 3-4 times a week so that's about 3-4 days of my week gone. Leaving me with 3 left. In these 3 days  I have to see my friends, do revision, spend time with my family, exercise and still have time to relax. I constantly feel rushed and on the go! I want everything to slow down!

Sometimes I get a bit 'wobbly' with my boyfriend. I'll have been with him for 3 years in September, I love him, at least I think I do. I don't get excited to see him, it just seems normal. I don't miss him when he's not around. Sometimes I think it'd be easier if I was single. But I've got so used to him being around I think it would be really weird if we weren't together. It would hurt more than just me and him if we broke up! I don't think I want to break up with him. Sometimes I just need space. I've organised him around my exams, or rather my mum has...He's not coming the day before or the day of an exam. I know I'll be stressed and moody so I said it would be best if he didn't come. I kind of like that he isn't coming then. I know it sounds really bad but I do. I feel like I need space. I told my mum that I was happy with him, and that I wasn't having a 'wobble'. He's bought me tickets to see The Script in July and is even contributing towards my parents buying me an iPhone for my birthday. I don't think I want to break up with him. He's always there for me and holds me when I cry. Sometimes I just want to end it though. I think it's just because I want to leave...

...I recently wrote in my diary that I wanted to fade away. I feel so lonely and depressed. I wonder if anyone would notice if I just wasn't there anymore :( I feel so unwanted by my friendship group. There's so much competition between us, who's the cleverest, who's the slimmest. It really gets to me. My insecurities tear me apart and I really hate the way I look. I think I'm fat and I feel I eat too much. I have no willpower and I want to be slimmer. I want to eat less and do more exercise. I want a flat stomach. But 'I wants' don't get  :(   I feel so ugly...

I'm currently arguing with my mother. I've told you what was written in my diary. She's read my diary and is angry at me because she thinks I don't trust her. I do. I tell her everything. Sometimes it's just easier for me to tell a piece of paper or a stranger how I'm feeling than to open up to her... She made me feel bad saying it was like getting blood out of a stone... We are close but sometimes I don't tell anyone how I feel. I prefer to not be a burden to people and just keep schtum about my issues. I don't want to ruin my relationship with her. She's upset with me now because I won't get off the computer to talk to her. She doesn't know I'm writing this letter to you Sam. I don't want to screw my relationship with my mum...

This has been a long letter Sam... I've opened up to you. Told you everything. I don't tend to do this.

I hope you'll reply to my letter and give me some advice.

Hello

In your longer letter (shortened version published above) you describe many things going on for you at the moment which are leaving you feeling really down.  These range from stress surrounding your exams to relationship problems with family members at home.  You have done a really positive thing by contacting me and I appreciate it can be difficult to talk about things sometimes.

It seems like the stress of sitting your exams is being made worse by the fact you feel so much pressure to do well in the exams.  You might want to take a look at the beat exam stress page in Explore which contains some useful information and advice about dealing with the pressures of exams.  The important thing to remember is that you can only try your best on the day and then take it from there.

It sounds like you feel a little unsure about what the future holds for you and your boyfriend; you appreciate that he is always there for you and that it would be really weird if you were not together but there is another part of you which feels like ending the relationship and moving on.  Sometimes relationships go through periods where you feel a little uncertain about where things are going.  Perhaps when your exams are over you could talk to your boyfriend about some of the feelings you have and see how you feel about things after that.

As people get older they will start to compare themselves to their friends more often and it can be difficult to appreciate the qualities we have when this is happening.  It might be useful to think about what positive traits you have and focus on how you can make best use of these.  You might want to have a look at the ChildLine message boards where you can talk to other young people who have been having similar issues with their friends.

It sounds like the relationship you have with your mum is really important to you and that you would like to continue to have a good relationship with her in the future.  Although you feel you can talk to her about anything, there are certain things you would like to keep to yourself.  I think that keeping a diary is a really good way of expressing your thoughts and feelings on the issues that are affecting you.  I would encourage you to take the next step and come and talk to one of the counsellors at ChildLine. The counsellors are friendly and won't judge you or put you down. They will listen and help talk you through your options. Talking about what's worrying you can help you find ways of coping with the situation so you don’t feel so down. 

Take care

Sam