Ask Sam

I met a guy and he's 27 years old, and I'm 15. I know it sounds bad but he doesn't touch me and he doesn't rush me, and i really do believe he loves me. When I was stressed out and cutting he was the one who convinced me to stop. But lately, I dunno, it feels like he's relying on me too much. When we fight he threatens to kill himself to get me to stop and say its all my fight. At one point I really did believe I loved him but now I think i'm just staying with him to keep him safe, and it's putting stress on me that I don't need.

What should i do?

Hi there

You’ve done really well to write to me about this.  I can hear that you feel loved by this guy and that you feel he’s helped you to stop self-harming.  It also seems like you’re not sure about how you feel for him and you’re wondering if it’s causing you too much stress.

It would be illegal for this guy to have a sexual relationship with you because he’s an adult and you’re a young person.  At the moment, it sounds as though he’s threatening to kill himself and it’s not OK for him to behave like that in order to make you behave in the way he wants.  That’s emotional abuse and he isn’t allowed to treat you in this way.  It’s important for you to be in a relationship where you feel like you have a choice about whether you’re staying with the other person.  I can tell that you’re feeling under a lot of pressure and that you’re feeling that he’s relying on you too much at the moment. 

If he chose to kill himself it wouldn’t be your fault and you have the right to leave the relationship.  You also have the right to tell someone about what’s happening and get the support that you feel you need.  Perhaps you could have a think about talking to an adult you trust or if you’d like to talk it through with a counsellor first, you can get in touch with ChildLine whenever you want by calling free on 0800 1111, having a 1-2-1 chat online with a counsellor or by sending an email.

Thanks so much for writing about what you’re going through.

Take care,

Sam