Ask Sam

Dear Sam

I am 16 years old and I don't get along with my family, I don't agree with the way they deal with things, if I try and speak to them they say am answering back. I feel suffocated because what they say has to go and am finding it very difficult to break free it's almost like claws breaking into my skin and holding me there. They even say what I can and cannot wear and I find it hard to find myself within everything. I feel so fake.

My parents are not that bad but my family is very violent and noisy that I hate even sitting in the same room as them so I just sit in my room and when I go out I try and stay out quite long. I lack self-esteem aswell and constantly feel sad the only way I forget about home is when I am out and I can't always be out.

I use to get beaten up as long as I can't remember. I remember this one time I got beaten up by both my mother and father at the same time and it was bad they're were so many times I contemplated downing pills or even running away. Although now I know not to go against them so I dont get beaten up that often. I even got beaten up during this festival my mum hit me with a wire but I probably deserved it by answering back.

I know I can move out at 16 but I can't do so because I will have nowhere to go(not even youth foyers) simply because I have zero money not even any saved money so that is simply out of the question because I am going to college and really want to go to Uni.

I feel like I don't belong anywhere and constantly sad. My dad is controlling in the very little time he's at home.

Please advise me as am stuck

Alicia

Hi there

Thankyou for your letter. I'm sorry to hear how difficult things are for you at the moment, it really does seem that life at home is really affecting you in a very negative way. The feelings and thoughts you have about home are understandable. No one wants to feel suffocated, controlled or hurt by the people close to them. It is really positive though that you are seeking some support and advice to change things for yourself, it takes a lot of courage and strength.

You said your family is violent so it’s completely understandable that you struggle to be at home. It's concerning to hear how your mum and dad have physically hurt you in the past, and this caused you to contemplate taking pills. It’s really important that you know that your parents should never physically hurt you like this and that you are in no way responsible for causing this. Young people have the right to have their own opinions and say how they feel without the fear of being physically abused. You can look at the ChildLine physical abuse page for more information.

You have also mentioned some of your thoughts and concerns about not being able to leave home. Leaving home would be a big step for anyone. It seems that you have already been really thinking about this and discovered there is a lot to think and worry about. It might help for you to know that Social Services have a responsibility to support young people facing the sort of difficulties and abuse you have described. It could really help for you to talk with someone at your local social services.  You can find the telephone number in the phone book, if you look under Social Services, then your area. You could also get support with making contact with Social Services from a trusted adult in your life, perhaps a teacher, nurse or counsellor at school.

It might also help to have a look at what other young people have said on the Physical abuse message board about being hurt and abused at home, to find out what helped them get through and change things for themselves.  You seem like an intelligent young person with hopes for your future that you should be supported to achieve.

You are very welcome to talk with someone at ChiLdline online in a 1-2-1 chat or by phoning 0800 1111 to perhaps take some time to think about your options, what you want to do and how to achieve that.

Hope this helps

Sam