Hi there
Thank you for getting in touch to talk about your worries at home.
In your letter, you say mum reacts badly to lots of things you say and you know this might be to do with her childhood. You’re not sure exactly what you’ve doing wrong, but your dad has said you must try harder to be sensitive or there’ll be consequences. A specific consequence he mentioned, to 'lose' mum, has you really worried.
You say you’ve tried to understand what you could say or do to keep mum from reacting badly, and it must be hard to feel confused about what you’ve done wrong. It doesn’t sound like your dad understands the big effort you’ve made.
The word 'sensitive' can mean different things to different people. Do you think you might be able to speak to your dad and ask him to say more about exactly what you can do to be more sensitive? One idea is to try to talk to him very soon after an upset with your mum. That way you’d be asking him what you might have done differently, based on something that’s just happened.
I also wonder if you’d be able to tell your dad that thinking you might 'lose' mum because of something you've done has you really worried, so you’d really like to know what he means when he says that?
Your letter doesn’t say what happens when your mum reacts badly. But if it’s some kind of emotional response, worrying about when or how it’s going to happen could be hard. I don’t know if you experience calm moments with your mum, but if you do, that might be a good time to tell her you’re trying not to make her feel bad.
Since you’ve made a really good start by writing to me, maybe the next step for you could be to phone or chat online with a ChildLine counsellor - someone who is there to listen and help you think about what to do. If you would like to phone, the number is 0800 1111 or you can sign up and use online chat.
Sometimes it can be hard to know what to say to parents and when to say it This can mean that some young people are unsure what to do and may worry alone without getting the help they need. That’s why I’m so glad you’ve written to me. I hope we can continue to support you.
Also, we have some really good information on Family relationships pages in explore, and on the ChildLine message board where young people support one another around related issues. You might find that helpful too.
Take care,
Sam