Most of the time, my mum is one of the most amazing people in the world, and everything was great. After my parents split up, my mum blamed me, because I knew about it, and I never told her, because my dad asked me never to tell her. Things started to get better, then my uncle and nana died within 24 hours of each other.
My mum just completely changed. Most of the time, she would be really nice, and a great person, but then other days, she turned into the most horrible person in the world. She's stopped giving me food, and I've almost began to starve. I've almost lost a stone in around a month, but whenever I try to eat, I feel so sick, so now, I find it difficult to eat a single thing.
I know that my mum probably doesn't mean all the things that she says when she's like this, she says it in such a cruel way and it's causing me to self-harm. Neither of my parents know that I do it. The only people that I feel I can talk to are my step-mum, and my cousin. My dad's Bipolar, and he's self-harmed in the past. I'm starting to show the same symptoms of being Bipolar as my dad did when he was my age but my dad keeps telling me that if I get checked for it, then I can get help, but I don't want to, because I'm scared that I will be Bipolar, and then I'll be judged. And my mum will have even more reasons to hate me, because I'll be exactly like my dad.
My dad isn't exactly the biggest help either. He constantly sits there and tells me that I'm not good enough, And then again, there's also my friends. The majority of my friends also self-harm, but they all seem to have stopped, and they're happy now, but my true friends are still here with me, trying to make me happier, trying to make things better, but it doesn't seem to be working, I'm still so unhappy.
But I keep telling myself, that when I get what I want, and when I'm happy, I'll stop, but as soon as I lose what I want and need, I know that I'll just go straight back to my sense of depression, and I'll self-harm again, and there'll never be anything I can do to stop it...