Hi there
Thanks for your email you've sent me and for sharing what is going on in your life and how you are feeling. You have been really brave to do this.
You talk about how difficult things are at home with your mum and how you always argue and how she tells you everything you do is wrong. You say this makes you feel like you can’t do anything right. I imagine that is really upsetting to be made to feel like that, and for it to be because of things your mum says to you. I imagine it is really tiring to be arguing nearly everyday.
From what you describe, it sounds like what is happening with mum is affecting you quite a lot, and, like you describe, you find yourself getting mad at everything. It seems like you feel things are really unfair, and perhaps this is adding to how angry you feel about things. Sometimes when we feel things are unfair, and can’t seem to find a way to change it, it can leave us feeling very angry and frustrated.
It sounds really horrible to feel that your mum treats your brother differently, blames you for all the fights because you are older, and that you feel he is her favourite. You say you just want to feel appreciated and it sounds like you don’t feel your mum does. We all need to feel that the people around us notice and care about what we do. I imagine it is hurtful to feel your mum doesn’t. It sounds like you would really like things to be better with your mum.
Sometimes talking to the person who is upsetting us, and explaining how they are making us feel can help. Or talking to another adult, who we trust, can help us work out ways to handle difficult situations with the person we are having problems with, and the feelings we have about it.
I imagine arguing with your mum isn’t nice and you say it leaves you feeling bad for a long time afterwards. It sounds like you find this time after an argument really difficult. You mention that you have self-harmed a few times. Some people do hurt themselves to try and cope with difficult feelings. It is really brave of you to have talked about this. It might be an idea to think about what you could do after an argument, or when you feel like hurting yourself. Remember you can always get in touch with ChildLine to talk about how you are feeling.
The counsellors at ChildLine are here to listen to you anytime you want. They are there to hear how you are feeling and help you work out what might help. You can talk to a counsellor on the phone for free on 0800 1111 or by creating an account on the ChildLine website and having an 1-2-1 online chat (which is a bit like MSN).
It is really important to remember you are not alone, and there are people here to help you.
Take care
Sam