Hi there
I'm sorry to hear about your loss. I'm glad that you've written to me and I hope I can help feel a little better. It is difficult for anyone to deal with the death of a parent, especially if you also have to cope without your mum who is in prison. I'm wondering what its like for you to live with your grandparents, hopefully it is somewhere you feel safe.
You say that your dad died recently and you are struggling to get over it because you loved him so much. Losing someone you love takes a lot of time to come to terms with, and it seems that you are only beginning the process. No one can ever be prepared for the death of someone close. We all have to accept that death is a part of life, but it can be difficult to cope with all the feelings we have inside. All those feelings are what we call grief. One of the most important things you can do is to talk to someone, exactly what you are doing now. You recognise that you are struggling and you are asking for help.
Sometimes in grief you can feel so alone and feel that no one understands so it can be useful to look at how other people deal with it and see what has helped them. The websites RD4U or Child Bereavement have some really useful information and advice if you would like to take a look. You could also take a look at the bereavement page on the ChildLine website.
I wonder are you able to talk to your grandparents about how you are feeling? It is important that people around you know what is happening, so you could maybe think about letting your friends, teachers and other important people in your life know? Sometimes other people don't always understand, and expect you to start feeling better before you do. It is easier to cope with this so long as you know that it is ok for you to feel the way you do, and that you have the right to take as long as you need to start to feel better.
It could be really useful for you to talk to a counsellor at ChildLine, you can phone them on 0800 1111 or if you prefer you can chat online.
I'm really glad that you wrote in and I hope this helps you a little.
Take Care
Sam