Hi there
Thanks for your letter. It sounds like you’ve been feeling really nervous about the idea of having to be alone with your dad and it’s brilliant that you’re talking about this and that you’re thinking about telling somebody about it.
It’s important for you to remember that nobody ever has the right to abuse you the way your dad did, and whether you decide to tell someone is always your decision. Nobody should be trying to convince you to not talk about things when you want to.
It can be really worrying to have to see someone who has been abusive to you in the past, and especially so if you’re worried about what they’ll say or what might happen when you do see them. You sound really torn between not wanting to see your dad alone and not wanting your mum asking questions. I can imagine it being difficult having your mum ask questions, especially when you’re not sure of how much you want to say, but it’s important to think about what’s going to happen if you’re not honest with your mum.
Sometimes when you’re not yet ready to talk about things and you are going into a potentially dangerous situation, it can help to think of what would be called a “safety plan”. For you this would involve planning in advance what you might do in different situations where you have to see your dad. Think about the different options that may be available to you. What could say to him if he does try and convince you bot to tell someone? Who can you contact if you need help, and what would you say to them? And even think about safe places you might be able to go if you need to. It’s important to remember that if you ever feel immediately in danger you can phone 999 and ask for the police any time.
It might help to think a little about what I have said here and to then come on and talk to a ChildLine counsellor - they’re there 24 hours a day and you can talk online via the online 1-2-1 chat (which works a lot like MSN), by emailing and even by calling on 0800 1111 (it’s completely free and won’t show up on the phone bill).
Take care,
Sam