Hello
Thanks for your letter. You describe how things have been getting more and more difficult for you and it seems like you’ve been finding it hard to talk to someone, so I’m really glad that you’ve started to talk to me about it.
You’ve felt a big loss in your life. You tell me your dad was away in your childhood, and that you weren’t able to spend much time with him. He also died two years ago and you feel like he’s left you forever. It sounds like you might have felt quite angry that he’d left you for so long in the past and, sometimes when people close to us die, we can feel lots of emotions like anger and guilt, as well as sadness and loss. These feelings are very natural and can be a part of the grieving process. You can find more information on bereavement in the explore section.
As well as losing your dad, you say that you’re losing everyone that you love as it’s been getting hard to talk to your sister and your mum. On top of this, your mum wants you not to hang around with your friends.
Although you’ve said that it’s become harder to talk to your sister since she’s got married, it also sounds like you had a really good relationship with her before. Maybe you could think about what it is in particular about her getting married that may have changed this relationship? And whether you could tell her that you miss being able to talk to her?
It also sounds like you’re finding it really difficult at home with your mum, as you’ve been arguing a lot and she isn’t letting you go out as much as you’d like to. With all of this going on, it's understandable when you say you’re not happy at home. Sometimes dealing with family problems can be really hard. I'm concerned that you feel running away or dying might be your only options.
People often think that running away will help them to get away from the problem, but it often creates new ones and you could end up putting yourself into serious danger. Sometimes dying can also seem like a way to escape, but death is a very final end. It’s worth taking time to think about what you would want from that, are there other ways to help you feel better? For example, maybe you could think about ways of addressing some of the issues with your mum at home by perhaps, writing down what you would like to say to her in a letter and giving this to her.
Whatever you decide and however you feel, remember that ChildLine is here for you. You can talk to a ChildLine counsellor on 0800 1111, through 1-2-1 online chat or by sending an email. Remember, that things can and will get better and there are people who care about you very much.
Take care
Sam