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Topic living in young peoples housing after moving away from the abuse 

Question

To Sam 

20/12/11 12.48pm 

living in young peoples housing after moving away from the abuse 

since September 2011 I have lived in young peoples housing because of the abuse that use 2 happen 2 me at home

everything changed after gran's death in December 2008 mum started screaming and yelling at me if I gave her letters with my feelings she would rip them up yell at me to go away yell she hated me then she would hit me and punch me screaming I should be ashamed of myself that I've done everything wrong that I'm no good that I'm useless and disabled and mum would scream that I should be dead

this is my first xmas away from family as I'm not allowed to see other family members because of the horrible things they use 2 do 2 me to I feel I should still be punished that I don't deserve a new life a happy new start that everything's my fault and it should be my punishment I'm finding it so scary trying to talk to the staff in the housing where I live as I'm scared if I give them letters they will rip them up like mum sue 2 throw ,me outside like mum sue 2 strangle me or hit me kick me or punch me like mum use to I always feel I deserve that treatment again that I'm not worth this fresh start that I'm not worth happiness or a future I feel everything's my fault I am happy in ways that I have been moved because I do feel safe but I don't know how to allow myself to say I deserve a new chance because I know I don't I don't know how to feel included in young peoples housing as I get scared I don't know how I can make changes 2 feel happier in young peoples housing I just feel like giving up is just the easiest.

please help Sam

Emily 

Sam's answer

Sam 

29/12/11 1.14pm 

Hi there

Thank you for your letter it sounds like you’re having a really tough time at the moment and it’s good that you’re writing to get some support. It sounds like the way that your mum started treating you after your Gran's death was really frightening for you and when you tried to write letters to tell her how you were feeling to try and get it to stop it didn’t work and she carried on being horrible to you.

I think that you were really brave to try to talk to your mum about how she was making you feel. No-one has the right to hurt you either physically or emotionally and I’m pleased that you feel safe now.

It sounds like spending your first Christmas away from your family has perhaps been particularly tough for you even if at times it had been really bad at home.

You say that you feel that you deserve to be punished and don’t deserve a new happy life. It doesn’t sound to me like you’ve done nothing wrong and you have every right to be safe and happy. Even if you had done something to upset your mum she had no right to hurt you and do things like strangling and punching you.

You say that you’re finding it scary to talk to the staff in the young peoples housing – it sounds from this like you’d perhaps really like them to know a bit more about how you’re feeling. You mentioned that you’re worried that they would rip letters up or hurt you like your mum used to. I can understand that the way you’ve been treated in the past has left you frightened to do this, but the staff where you are, are there to help keep you safe and perhaps the more they know about how you’re feeling the more they may be able to support you.

I’m wondering what you think of the staff there and how they’ve acted towards you so far and whether there’s perhaps one person there that you feel more comfortable with than others who you might be able to give a letter to if that’s the way that you find easiest to let them know things.

You say that you feel like giving up and that you don’t know how to make changes to feel happier. It sounds like you’ve been through a lot of difficult times and have had to strong to get through them. Perhaps when you’re finding things really tough you can think about that. ChildLine is always here to support and help you. You can talk to a ChildLine counsellor any time that you want to about things, either by calling on 0800 1111 (all calls are free and don’t show up on the bill) or by using the 1-2-1 chat  (it works a bit like MSN messenger). Perhaps you could talk through with a counsellor what you might like to say in a letter to the staff and how it might be for you to give it to them. If you decide that you don’t want to do that, that’s ok too.

Take care,

Sam

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