Hi there
Life appears to to be have been quite difficult for you. As a result you are punishing yourself. I'm glad to read that living with your dad seems a better option. But it would appear as though you are still in need of support.
You are abusing yourself for things that have happened which have not been your fault. Can I ask if there a social worker still available to you?
Are you able to talk to your dad? Does he even know that you are this unhappy and confused?
A good starting point can sometimes be talking to other family members if there are any. If not do you have a good friend that you could talk to about what is happening and about your situation?
If these suggestions are definitely unthinkable why not come and talk to a ChildLine counsellor?
You can either phone on 0800 1111 or come and have an online 1-2-1chat. Online does get really busy so if you prefer this way to make contact do hold on in the queue you will be answered.
You are not alone and help is out there come and talk.
Take great care
Sam