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Ask Sam

Topic Being in care 

Question

To Sam 

10/06/2011 11:06am 

Being in care 

I'm 14 and I've been in care for 12 years. I live with the same carer I have been for the past 12 years. But now I can't take it anymore. I want to move but I don't want to say anything. The last time I said that I wanted to move, my carer started shouting and me and asking me if I am really that dumb. I'm scared to say anything now. Everyday she shouts at me over little things and she makes me feel worthless. If I get an OK mark in a test, instead of pushing me to do better and encouraging me to do so, she puts me down and makes me feel like I'm stupid. What should I do? I'm scared to say something because after I've said something, she'll jump down my throat and make me regret what I said. Please help!

Sam's answer

Sam 

05/07/2011 11:50am 

Hi there

Thank you for your message. It sounds like things are getting quite difficult with your carer at the moment.  You feel as though you would like to move away from her and you have even told her that but her response has left you feeling too scared to say anything else.

What is happening at home is not ok.  Nobody has the right to make you feel worthless or stupid.  You should be able to feel like you can talk to your carer without her jumping down your throat, criticising you or putting you down.   

It might be a good idea to get in touch with social services or your social worker if you have one, so you can tell them what is going on at home.  Social services are there to make sure that all children and young people are living within a safe and caring environment. They should listen to you and try to help and support you.  It’s really important to remember that it is ok to speak out about things that you don’t feel are right and you have definitely done the right thing by writing in for advice.  

If you find it difficult to approach social services or your social worker, you can always contact ChildLine to speak to a counsellor who will support you in contacting the right people.  The number to call is 0800 1111, which is a free number. You can also talk to a counsellor through 1-2-1 online chat. The person you speak to will listen to you and do their best to help you. 

You might also find it helpful to have a look at the ChildLine website to find information on emotional abuse.  There is a very good description on the website that describes this type of abuse as ‘when someone tries to make you feel bad. This can be saying things on purpose to scare you, put you down, humiliate you or hurt you’.

You have been really brave to write in to talk about what is happening at home and I would like to encourage you again to talk to your social worker or to a ChildLine counsellor for further support.

Take care

Sam

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