Hi there
First let me say how glad I am that you decided to write to me. It sounds like things with your mum have been building for a long time and I can imagine it taking a lot of bravery to be able to write to me, it’s brilliant that you have.
I can see how much these arguments with your mum have been affecting you. When you talk about wanting to run away and even commit suicide, it sounds a lot like you want to escape from how things have been from home. I can imagine bottling things up when it is affecting you making it feel like you’re really alone there and that nothing could happen to help. It can be really difficult to deal with situations like this alone, and it sounds like you’re taking on a lot of responsibility when you talk about worrying about your sister as well.
It’s really important to remember that whether it’s because of an argument or any other reason, nobody should ever be violent towards you. What’s happening isn’t right and is actually considered abuse. It’s something that is never deserved. I can see how worried you are that people wouldn’t understand, and that it might make things worse, but I want you to know that if you ever feel immediately unsafe at home for whatever reason, you have the right to call 999 and to ask for the police. Your safety is more important than anything. It might help to take a little time to look at the ChildLine section on Abuse and safety, as sometimes looking at the information can help build your understanding of what’s happening as well as what you might like to do.
It can be really hard imagining people being able to understand what you’ve been going through, let alone being able to help. Sometimes it can help to think a little about what you’d like to happen if you did tell them, and what it might look like having someone understand what’s been happening. I can see how much school has been stressing you out as well, and I can imagine it being hard to even concentrate when you’re there. It might be good to think about anyone at the school who you feel like you get on with, like maybe one of the teachers, and to think what might happen if you were to open up to them.
Getting the words out about what’s been happening at home can be an extremely scary thing to do. Sometimes thinking about what you’d most like to get across if you did talk to someone like a teacher can help, maybe even writing it in a letter so that you don’t have to say the words out loud straight away. I can see how worried you are that things might get worse, but at the same time it's important to think about what might happen to both you and your sister if things do carry on like this.
I can really see how worried you are about talking to ChildLine. It can help to know a little about ChildLine’s confidentiality. The way ChildLine works is different from other people you might talk to, they won’t tell anyone what you’ve told them unless you or someone else is in really serious danger, if someone who has access to other children (like a teacher) is abusing someone, or if you were hurting someone yourself. It might be good to read the ChildLine confidentiality promise to see what you can talk about and keep just between you and ChildLine. At the same time, if you do decide you want people to know, ChildLine can support you in being able to talk.
The ChildLine counsellors can talk to you about anything that might be happening, whether it’s about what’s been happening with your mum, what might happen if you did tell someone or even just letting you have a space where you don’t have to bottle up how you’re feeling. If you feel able to, you can contact a ChildLine counsellor by writing to an email like you have to me, talk through the online 1-2-1 chat (which work a lot like MSN) or even call and speak to a counsellor on 0800 1111 (it’s a free number and won’t show up on any phone bills). ChildLine is there 24 hours a day and 7 days a week so you can talk to them any time.
Take care,
Sam