Hi there
Thank you for your letter, it sounds like there have been a lot of different things happening for you; worries about your dad being unwell and about your mum and dad's relationship. It’s brilliant that you are talking about it.
It sounds like there’s a lot of uncertainty around your dad right now. It can be really difficult when all you think about is what might happen. It's okay to be worried, and it’s certainly okay to show how you’re feeling. It’s also important to remember that you don't have to go through all this worry alone.
No one has the right to hit you or your mum, and certainly not to leave you crying to the point that you want to throw up or feel like you can’t breathe. When you talk about things at home, it’s really important that you know that if you ever feel unsafe you have the right to call the police any time on 999. It can help to have an idea or plan of what you’d do if things got bad at home, eg. safe places you could go or someone you could contact if you had to.
It can be really scary thinking about the possibility of parents separating, and it’s understandable that you would find it difficult thinking about what you’d want to do. It sounds like your mum is putting a lot of responsibility on you by asking whether you want her to leave him. This is the kind of decision that no child or young person should be put in the position of having to make.
When your mum asks you about things like this, it can help to think about what you’d most like to say back, and actually what it might be like if you were to say what you said here about how you have been feeling. It can be really difficult being honest like that with people, especially when you’re worried that it might hurt them, but at the same time how you’re feeling is always important; it can be unfair to put this much responsibility and pressure on you.
Sometimes when you don’t feel able to talk to someone, but you really do want to let out how you’re feeling, it can help to write things out in a letter. You don’t even have to give the person the letter, just writing about what you're going through and how your feel can really help.
It can be really difficult talking to an adult, especially when doing so can make everything feel too real for you. At the same time it sounds like you’ve been feeling incredibly alone with everything that’s happened, especially since things have been difficult between you and your best friend. I was wondering how you’d feel about talking to a ChildLine counsellor? They can give you a space to talk confidentially (meaning that they won’t tell anyone unless someone is in really serious danger) about anything that might be happening, giving you a chance to talk about how you’re feeling without you having to decide to do anything before you’re ready.
The counsellors at ChildLine are there 24 hours a day and 7 days a week and you can contact them in lots of different ways. You can talk to them online through the 1-2-1 chats (which work like MSN), you can phone them on 0800 1111 (it’s completely free and won’t show up on the phone bill) and you can even write to them like you have with me.
Take care,
Sam