Hi Annie,
Thank you for writing to me, it felt like you were a little unsure about whether you should be writing this letter but I can see how much things have been affecting you lately and it’s brilliant that you have decided to talk about it.
It can be really difficult when you are fighting all the time, especially with someone so close to you like your mum. Even though you say that it never turns violent it sounds like it has a big effect on you, often leaving you in tears. It can be extremely upsetting to feel like you’re being treated unfairly so much and you’re always being the one who has to apologise.
It’s important to remember that when two people are arguing, it’s never one person’s fault. A lot of the time an argument can grow from both people building it up. It’s completely natural that you are feeling this way after such big arguments. You sound like you’re feeling quite helpless when you say that you’ve tried everything and it’s really understandable that you would hate coming home like you do.
Sometimes when people with fiery personalities communicate it can be easy for something small to really explode into a big argument. It can help to think a little about what usually happens when an argument starts, and what then happens to make it get bigger and bigger. Thinking about it this way can help you recognise and understand what really makes the argument start, and then to think about what could be different next time.
I’m wondering what it might be like to have a conversation with your mum, completely separate from the arguments, where you get a chance to say what it is you feel about the fighting. You could have a think about this conversation - when might be a good time, what would you like to say, and even what would you like your mum to say?
It’s brilliant that you are talking about this, and I’m so glad that you did decide to start talking about it. If you want, you could talk to a ChildLine counsellor, you can chat to them about anything and they are there to support you. You could discuss ways for you to talk to your mum, or even just have a safe place to let out your feelings. You can contact them in loads of different ways: by writing to them like you did with me, going online and talking to a counsellor on the 1-2-1 chat (which works like MSN), or maybe even calling on 0800 1111 (it’s completely free and won’t show up on the phone bill).
Take care,
Sam