Hello,
Thank you for your letter, I’m really glad you decided to write to me and talk about what’s happening at home.
From what you’ve said, it sounds like play fighting with your step dad can sometimes be fun, but I get the sense that he can sometimes go too far as you’ve said that it starts to hurt a lot. I’m aware that you’ve asked if this is normal and that you were not sure if this was justified as you usually fight back. I would like you to know that no-one should ever hurt you by pulling your hair or by punching you really hard. What your step dad is doing is wrong and is a form of physical abuse.
It sounds like your step dad will start to hit you unexpectedly and that perhaps fighting back is a reaction to this. You’ve told me your mum tells you both off and that your step dad now does it when she is not around. What is happening is not your fault and you have a right for this to stop. I can imagine it might feel confusing as to what feels right or wrong, as sometimes playing fighting can be fun, but can also sometimes get out of control.
Have you thought about talking with you step dad about how this is making you feel? It might be that you don’t have to stop play fighting altogether. Together you might be able to find a way for the play fighting to stop when it no longer feels fun for you.
How would you feel about talking some more about this to one of the ChildLine counsellors? You can get in contact by calling 0800 1111 (free from any phone), 1-2-1 online chat (similar to instant messaging) or email. Anything you tell ChildLine will be kept confidential, unless your life was in immediate danger. There is also information in Explore about the different types of physical abuse and what to do, which you might find useful.
You’ve been really brave to write in – well done.
Take care,
Sam