Hello there,
Thank you for writing to me and telling me what things are like for you at the moment. From what you’ve said in your letter, it sounds like the relationship with your mum changed about 4 years ago, ever since your dad was shot in the leg on his tour in Afghanistan. You’ve said your dad has undergone loads of intensive, ‘physio’ and operations to get him better. I can imagine things might have felt quite stressful and upsetting when this happened.
It seems you’ve been having a real tough time with your mum while your dad is away, as you’ve told me she is horrible and does not listen to anything. It doesn’t sound like you feel your mum takes anything you say seriously and I get the sense you feel very unsupported by her. I’m so glad you have taken this huge step to talk about how this situation is making you feel. You deserve to feel supported and to feel you’ve been heard when talking about the things that are important to you.
You talked about your mum being uptight and have said she hates everything you do or say. I got the sense you feel you can’t do anything right and I can imagine this might feel quite frustrating, but also hurtful. From what you’ve said, it does sound like your mum can treat your sister differently to how she treats you. It’s not right for anyone to make you feel this way. It’s also wrong of your mum to try and turn your dad against you. I’m aware that you haven’t talked much about what the relationship is like with your dad and I’m wondering if this is something you could try talking to him about? You’ve said your mum is so obvious when she does this and perhaps this might be something that your dad has picked up on?
You’ve told me you are at boarding school during the week so it sounds like you spend a lot of time away from your mum. I get the impression that home might not feel like a very nice place if you go back at the weekends. I’m hearing you are feeling confused about what you have done to deserve this – I would like you to know that you haven’t done anything to deserve how you are being treated by your mum. How your mum is behaving towards you is not your fault. I get the sense that you would like to have a, ‘proper convo’ with her - it’s understandable that this would be something that you want and have every right to feel. You deserve to feel supported and cared for by both your parents.
I’m wondering, if you could say anything to your mum, to have her hear how she makes you feel, what would you say? Sometimes it can be helpful to write down how something someone does makes you feel. This can be something that you keep for yourself, or you could think about possibly sharing it with her.
It’s important not to try and cope alone with how you are feeling. I would encourage you think about contacting one of the ChildLine counsellors to talk some more? ChildLine have counsellors available to listen and offer support, day and night. You can contact a counsellor by calling 0800 1111 (free from any phone), 1-2-1 online chat (like msn), or you can even send a private email.
Take care,
Sam