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Ask Sam

Topic Aggressive Mother 

Question

To Sam 

06/03/2011 12:06pm 

Aggressive Mother 

Dear Sam,

My mom often has sudden moodswings. As soon as she's in a bad mood i've done something wrong. I flinch when she comes near me. She threatens to hit me, and that it will leave a mark. Its always me thats done something wrong, and her boyfriend always sticks up for her to. They treat me like im about 5 when really im 14. She blames me for everything. My younger sister is like the perfect child. Never done anything wrong and whenever she does something wrong, my mom says she's copied it off me!? She blames me for when she got cancer, that i stressed her out. She often says she'd rather i live with my dad, and that her life would be better if i did.

Over the years she has hit me quite alot. She has kicked me, slapped me round the face, pushed me to the ground and slapped my thighs. It had died down lately, but today she has already hit me twice, and poked me with a knife. Im scared. When i told her i'd ring you she took my phone & laptop away. But i told her i needed it for homework.

Please Help Me.

Sam's answer

Sam 

14/03/2011 6:12pm 

Hello there and thanks for your letter. 

I'm really glad you have written to me to get some support. I’m really concerned about what’s happening to you at the moment.

You’ve told me you feel like you’re blamed for everything at home, it sounds like this must be really difficult for you, especially when you’re also being blamed for things that your sister is doing wrong. It’s important for you to know that it’s not your fault that your mom got cancer, and it's wrong of her to say that. It’s also wrong of mom to say hurtful things like she’d rather you lived with your dad. 

You’ve also let me know that your mom has hit you quite a lot. No parent should kick, slap, push or hurt you in anyway. What mom is doing is wrong and it’s against the law. You have the right to feel safe at home. I’m also very concerned to hear your mom has been poking you with a knife. You’ve told me you’re scared and I can imagine this must be very frightening for you. If you ever feel unsafe you can get help by calling 999 and ask for the police.

You said your mom has taken away your phone and laptop, you can always call ChildLine from the school office phone or phone box if this happens again. 

All the things that you have told me are happening to you at home must be very scary and very hard for you to cope with on your own. If you do want some help to make it stop, ChildLine can support you to speak to social services about what’s happening - it would be your choice and only when you are ready for this to happen.

If you wanted to call ChildLine on 0800 1111, one of our counsellors would be able to talk to you more about what social services can do to help you. ChildLine is a confidential service. This means that unless we feel that your or someone else’s life is in danger, we won’t tell anyone unless you want us to.

You could also have a think about whether there is an adult you trust that you could talk to about what’s happening at home. You can also talk to your teachers. It’s important for you to remember that if you did choose to talk with one of your teachers about what’s happening then they have a legal responsibility to tell someone else to help make you safe.

The counsellors at ChildLine are here for you to talk to at anytime and would really like to support you through what’s happening and how you are feeling. You can do this either by 1-2-1 online chat (like instant messenger), sending an email, or by phone on 0800 1111 (this is a free number even from a mobile and it won’t show up on your phone bill).

Hope this is helpful.

Take care,

Sam

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