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Ask Sam

Topic Trouble 

Question

To Sam 

28/06/2011 10:23pm 

Trouble 

I'm Feel Like I Can't Talk to Anyone About How I Feel, My Mum And Dad Separated 2 Years Ago, I Was At the beginning of year 7 when this happened. My friends have been supportive but they just don't understand. my dad got a girlfriend and i love her to pieces. my mum got a boyfriend but its her ex best friend ex-boyfriend. mums boyfriend has 2 kids one 15 and one the same age as me 13, she know goes to the same school as me. the problem I'm having is that him and my mum are getting engaged, it doesn't sound much but i hate him, he is trying to kick me out of my family and try make me not see my mum (he done this to mum ex-bestfriends son). He's already got rid of my older sister but the difference is he calls me names and occasionally hurts me physically.  I don't no what to do, i trying talking to my mum but she wont listen to me and says she's going to send me to the metal doctors. My friends cant do much. My dad says i can move in with him, but i want to see my mum without being annoyed and feeling disowned. I don't think i have a mum anymore, please can i have some advice - and there is more that's happened but too much to say

Thank you

C.T

Sam's answer

Sam 

29/06/2011 4:27pm 

Hello CT

You did really well to explain all the things you are worried about at the moment. I’m sorry to hear that you are struggling and that there are other things troubling you too. It can be really hard when a family splits apart and getting used to new relationships is hard. Sometimes it means meeting new and lovely people that you can call part of your family – it’s great that you get on so well with your dad’s girlfriend.

It does sound, however, like things at home are a bit tough. You have the right to feel happy in your own home and you certainly should feel safe. It’s very worrying to hear that your mum’s boyfriend is making you unhappy and hurting you physically. No one has the right to treat you in this way and you did the right thing to try to talk to your mum about this. Does she know that he has hurt you physically? It is very important to think about talking to your mum and dad about this. It’s wrong for him to hurt you and to make you feel unwanted in your own home.

It seems like you have tried to talk to your dad a little bit – is that why he said that you can come and live with him? I realise that can put you in a difficult situation and that it might make you feel like you are being disloyal to your mum. That’s a tough position to be in. However, I would really encourage you to do what is best for you at the moment and make choices that mean you are going to be safe and nurtured and where you can feel like you are important too. Your mum is always going to be your mum and you can work on your relationship wherever you live.

Are there any other trusted adults you can talk to? Maybe your dad’s girlfriend or a teacher, for example? They might be able to help you think through what might be best for you at the moment.

It does sound like there is a lot going on for you and perhaps you could try talking to a ChildLine counsellor about what is going on for you. The counsellors understand the sorts of problems you might be worried about and are trained to help. They won’t judge you or put you down and they are not easily shocked. Instead, they will listen and help talk you through your options.

Take care

Sam

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