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Topic Trouble... 

Question

To Sam 

18/07/2011 12:50pm 

Trouble... 

My mum and dad have spilt up now for a couple of years and things have gotten from bad to worse. I don't want to see my dad again and so I live with my mum and her boyfriend, but since my mum has tried to get a divorce, dad has tried to get shared residency of me. I'm just getting more worried each day. Tell me, do I have to go or can I stay with my mum and her boyfriend?

Sam's answer

Sam 

25/07/2011 6:20pm 

Hello

Thanks for getting in touch with me about this. It seems like things that are happening at the moment are causing you a lot of anxiety. I’m wondering whether you have spoken to anyone else about your worries? It’s really good that you decided to talk to me. If you feel close to your mum or her boyfriend perhaps you could think about letting them know how you feel.

It sounds like you may have already coped with lots of changes when your parents split up, and now they are talking about going through a divorce it’s understandable that this is affecting how you’re feeling. It might help to have a look at the Divorce and Separation page, in the Family and relationships part of the ChildLine website. You could also look at the Separation and Divorce message board to read about other young people’s experiences, or post your own message.  

You told me you aren’t seeing your dad regularly at the moment and that you don’t want to live with him. It’s important to let other people know that is how you feel as your opinion about this is really important. When a family cannot agree about who the children should live with this is usually decided by a family court. The views of the children should always be listened to when the decisions are made, and there is a service called the Children and Family Court Advisory and Support Service that is there to make sure this happens. It might help to follow the link above to have a look at their website to find out more. You didn’t say how old you are but the website does have sections for children and teenagers about how divorce and the family courts work.

You could also look at Divorce Aid.

I’m concerned that you feel things are going from bad to worse at the moment. If you want to talk more about this or about any of your worries then it would be good to give ChildLine a ring on 0800 1111, which is free and won’t show up on a phone bill. If you prefer you can also sign up and have a 1-2-1 chat with a counsellor online, or send an email.  

Take Care

Sam

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