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Topic My parents are divorcing. Please help me. 

Question

To Sam 

22/03/2011 8:32pm 

My parents are divorcing. Please help me. 

Hi

I am 13 years old and I live in Norway. Me and my parents moved here from England about two/three years ago, and it changed my life. (In a good way). My father is English, and my mom is Norwegian by the way. Last year, my mom and dad had a fight where my dad pushed my mom up against the wall. She got a bruise on her arm from that. I have so much anger towards my dad. Anyway, my mother has been talking to me seperately from my dad and said that she and dad aren't going to live together anymore. It sounds blunt, but I can't write everything. It was gradually built up and I know they will be getting a divorce. About a week back mum said that she had talked to dad and said that she isn't in love with him anymore. There are loads of reasons, but my dad can be really mean, sarcastic, moody etc, and that has happened a lot since he broke his ankle.

It was my birthday on Sunday, so we went to england, and for the whole trip he was bitter and rude to my mom. Me and my mother went to Oslo today, and as I was going to give him a hug before I left, I saw what was on his laptop screen. It said clearly: 1 bedroom flat in bla bla bla. I don't officialy know that they are going to split up, so it hurt me that he just left it open clearly knowing I would see. I just need to get this out. It will be 10 x as hard since he will have to move back to England, and I will obviously stay in Norway with my mum. How will I cope? I am only 13, so going on a plane to visit my dad will be impossible, (by myself), and to be honest, right now I don't want to have to visit him and pretend I like him. He is so bitter towards my mum right now, so I doubt he would want to see her. I am just really upset and sad, and I need to talk to someone else and get advice. Please answer!

Sam's answer

Sam 

03/04/2011 12:00pm 

Hi there

Thank you for your letter. You describe how, although you initially coped well with moving to another country, things became more difficult when your mum and dad began fighting. It can be very difficult when parents fight and / or separate. Sometimes you can feel confused, for example feeling angry towards your dad and not knowing how you will cope without him at the same time.

At first, it can feel like there are no answers, and some things seem impossible (like travelling alone to England). However, some airlines do have special arrangements for young people flying alone, so that might be something you could possibly do when you feel ready. In the same way, you could also find in time that you are able to find answers to some of the other difficulties that you face at the moment.

It is natural to feel hurt and angry, especially when you think that your parents might be separating. This might also be an uncertain time for you, not really knowing exactly what will happen next.

You say that you need someone to talk to, and of course if you were in the UK you would be able to call ChildLine or have a 1-2-1 chat, but you have probably found that you cannot access our service from Norway. There are other organisations that can help young people in other countries. In Norway, there is Kors Pa Halsen on 800 333 21 (www.korspahalsen.no) and an emergency service for young people on 116 111.

Please continue looking at our website, you might find it helpful to read the message boards to see how other young people cope when their parents have difficulties. However, any advice or information on our site will, unfortunately, only cover UK laws, so check the Norwegian organisations for any practical help you need.

Take Care

Sam

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