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Topic Help!! my parents just split up  

Question

To Sam 

30/7/11 1.27pm 

Help!! my parents just split up  

ok so my parents just split up and it all my fault, i feel really bad. I've been self harming for a while now and i promised my friend i would stop, but when I found out about my parents i started doing it again, what should i do? i feel so guilty, some days i wish i wasn't here anymore :(( please help me
Sam's answer

Sam 

19/8/11 10.05am 

Hi there

I'm so glad you've written to me. The first thing I want to say to you is it's not your fault that your parents are splitting up. I know it feels that way to you at the minute but people split up because they either don't get along any more or they have fallen out of love. Both of those things are something that you can have no control over. It's more difficult from your point of view because it feels as if you have no control over the situation, this is something that is happening to you.

Your parents might be so caught up in their own feelings that they have forgotten that they have a responsibility to make sure you are ok. It might be worth while talking to them and telling them that you are not ok and ask for their help, even show them the letter you wrote to me if you have difficulty knowing where to start.

I'm not sure from your letter why you self-harm but It seems that you might be self-harming as you struggle to deal with some painful feelings. It's really important that you learn how to care for yourself if you are self harming, you can have a look at  www.thesite.org.uk for help and advice. It's good to see that you have a friend that cares about you. I'm not sure how much you talk to this friend, but if you do trust them it might be a good idea to share some of those feelings.

You talk about feeling guilty and some days wishing you weren't here, it would be great if you could talk to someone about these feelings and get help to deal with them. You are asking for help and that is one of the best things you can do to look after yourself, keep doing that!

You can contact a ChildLine counsellor by email, having a 1-2-1 chat or phone us 0800 1111 for free. The situation you are in will change over time, so you need to learn how to cope with change, as we all do, especially when it is change that leaves you feeling hurt or sad or guilty.

I hope this helps,

Sam

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