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Ask Sam

Topic Dad 

Question

To Sam 

10/04/2011 8:39pm 

Dad 

dear sam

my mom and dad got dervoice 6yrs ago. their is a court order in place for my mom to have me and my other brother 3weekends out of 4. my dad kept to this at first, but sometimes we didnt go round 4 one reason or other?. my mom would reply back to the courts but it took to long! so she gave up! 4 many years as we got older me and my bro would go round ourslves, because we wanted to see her! dad wouldnt like this at times? he used to slag her down everytime. my mom has two other children now another brother and sister we get on well. my dad has a new girlfirend we dont like her !! my dad leaves us on our own most nites and weekends.he will go off on bike rides with her and we have to find our own dinner or tea! or we go to moms  . some times if i go out to play my dad will go out and i dont have the house key or im in the house and he will go to the pub and dont come back untill 11 or midnight?? my mom gets very worried about us both because he never rings us or leaves us anote to say where he goes. where do i stand being on my own 4 long time? and can my mom get any advice to were she stands on this? im 11yrs and my brother is 16yrs with a.d.h.d altism.

Sam's answer

Sam 

18/04/2011 1:02pm 

Hello

I’m very sorry to hear that you are having these worries. It can be a really difficult situation when your parents split up. It sounds like your dad got custody of you and your brother but that you would see your mum at weekends, is that right? I’m sorry that things didn’t work out the way you would have liked them to. You did the right thing to write about this and to ask for some advice.

Your dad has responsibility for you and your brother – that means it’s up to him to take care of you properly and to make sure you are safe and able to do well in school and any other activities you are able to take part in. For young people around your age, there isn’t really a legal age at which your dad could leave you alone. It really depends on a lot of things, like how long he leaves you, how able you are to take care of yourselves and, very importantly, if you know who to contact in an emergency.

Have you ever tried to talk to your dad about how you are feeling? It’s something that is very important to discuss with him so he does know how you are feeling about this. Where your mum is concerned, she would have to make an appeal to the courts to have them look at the situation again. You and your mum can find more information about this on the Children's Legal Centre website (or Children's Law Centre if you live in Northern Ireland) for more advice about what you can do.

In the meantime, it sounds like you could use some support to deal with how you are feeling about all of this. Have you had the chance to speak to another trusted adult about this? That could be another relative, like an aunt or uncle or a teacher or school counsellor for example. They can all give you some support to help you through this time.

Remember, that you can also always come and talk with a ChildLine counsellor too by phoning 0800 1111, or by having a 1-2-1 chat online.

Take care

Sam

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