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Topic Thoughts of killing myself keep going through me

To Sam 29/9/11 12.24pm	Thoughts of killing myself keep going through me I've been very depressed for a while now, my parents are divorced and things are quite complicated in my life. I now live with my dad, who isn't always that nice, sometimes he shouts at me and gets very close to hitting me like he used to even if i have done nothing wrong, he keeps implying that i'm stupid and keeps putting me down like i'm worthless. I would talk to my mum about me constantly feeling depressed, lonely and sad all the time, but she wouldn't do anything about it, she would just say "you're not depressed, that's silly", and i would just say "yeah, that's right..". My mum is currently engaged to another guy, which makes things strange and confusing, (i hate stepfamilies), i don't mind him, but it's just weird and depressing. But the main problem is that everywhere i go i've been bullied, shouted at, frowned at, laughed at, looked down at and spat at. i've had to chance schools several times due to extreme emotional bulling. I'm really shy and quiet, but really friendly when spoken to and loved, but of all the schools i have been to I have only ever had one friend, who has now moved away completely. Everyone ignores me, i feel invisible and depressed all the time, no-one ever wants me in their group or invites me to do anything with them. Every break time back at school i would just go to the toilets or around the back of the school and either screw around on my phone or cry. I'm at college now, and already it's all happening again, but this time I'm really trying my best to talk to people and ask if they want to do anything after classes etc.. but nothing is sticking. i know no-one at this college and already i hear the occasional giggle behind my back. For about 2 years now i have been s/h and trying to talk to counsellors on ChildLine about it, i phoned up once and really opened up. But nothing seems to be working. I keep getting thoughts everywhere i go (on the bus, on the bike, in class or when asleep) telling me that i should kill myself and get out of everyone's way. I came VERY close to it [...] ....but i guess my conscience snapped me out of doing it....... Please help me....i don't think i want to die......... ... .. .
Sam 6/10/11 2.23pm	Hello Thank you for your letter, well done for getting in touch. It sounds like you have been feeling quite lonely and unsupported lately, I can see that you’re having a tough time at the moment. I’m really concerned to hear about the thoughts you have been having, telling you to kill yourself and I’m so glad that you’re seeking support. I’m really glad to hear that you have been able to open up to one of the counsellors at ChildLine in the past. It’s important for you to remember that often it can take more than one or two contacts with ChildLine counsellors before you start to make sense of what’s happening. ChildLine is always there to support you. What dad is doing is wrong. It’s not okay for him to put you down all the time. It sounds like it can be scary when he shouts and gets very close to hitting you for no reason especially when that has happened in the past. You have the right to feel safe at home and nobody is ever allowed to hit you or make you feel threatened. From what you have said it sounds like you sometimes feel a bit unheard by your mum or misunderstood. You mentioned that you would talk to her but it seems like you feel as though she might dismiss what you say. I want you to know that I believe what you are saying and I think you are really brave to have told me. You’ve told me that although you like the guy who mum’s engaged to, you’re finding it weird and depressing and you hate stepfamilies. Getting used to a new family set up can be difficult. There have been a lot of changes going on for you lately, which can be quite confusing and unsettling. You said that the main problem for you at the moment is that you feel as though everywhere you go you’ve been bullied. Sounds like you have been through a really hard time with bullying in the past, I’m also thinking it must have been quite tough to have changed school several times. It can be difficult to adjust to a new environment especially when you feel shy and quiet. Your friend moving away was also a big loss, that must have been very hard for you. I can see that you’ve felt very left out and isolated at school in the past. I’m glad to hear that you are really trying your best to talk to people at college and trying to make plans with them. Sounds like you are feeling a bit disappointed with the outcome at the moment. Perhaps you might like to join some extra curricular activities, clubs or societies that the college might run? That way you might meet some like-minded people in a more structured environment. It also seems as though you are feeling a bit anxious in case the bullying is starting again. There is a lot going on for you at home and at College. You might want to have a think about talking to a teacher or an adult at College that you trust about it. That way your college might be able to support you better. I’m also very concerned to hear about your self-harm. It sounds like you are finding it hard to keep your self safe at the moment. Your doctor/GP is also there to support you. You may want to consider talking to your doctor about your thoughts and feelings. You can check their confidentiality policy out with the receptionist when you are making an appointment. If you are aged 16 and above, you have the right to confidential advice and treatment. It would be great if you could keep talking to ChildLine about these things, perhaps calling 0800 1111 or using online chat to talk with a ChildLine counsellor. It’s important that you are able to keep yourself safe and the ChildLine counsellor will be able to support you through everything that’s going on and talk about your options and what you might want to do next. Hope this helps. Take care, Sam

To Sam

29/9/11 12.24pm

Thoughts of killing myself keep going through me

I've been very depressed for a while now, my parents are divorced and things are quite complicated in my life. I now live with my dad, who isn't always that nice, sometimes he shouts at me and gets very close to hitting me like he used to even if i have done nothing wrong, he keeps implying that i'm stupid and keeps putting me down like i'm worthless.

I would talk to my mum about me constantly feeling depressed, lonely and sad all the time, but she wouldn't do anything about it, she would just say "you're not depressed, that's silly", and i would just say "yeah, that's right..". My mum is currently engaged to another guy, which makes things strange and confusing, (i hate stepfamilies), i don't mind him, but it's just weird and depressing.

But the main problem is that everywhere i go i've been bullied, shouted at, frowned at, laughed at, looked down at and spat at. i've had to chance schools several times due to extreme emotional bulling. I'm really shy and quiet, but really friendly when spoken to and loved, but of all the schools i have been to I have only ever had one friend, who has now moved away completely.

Everyone ignores me, i feel invisible and depressed all the time, no-one ever wants me in their group or invites me to do anything with them. Every break time back at school i would just go to the toilets or around the back of the school and either screw around on my phone or cry.

I'm at college now, and already it's all happening again, but this time I'm really trying my best to talk to people and ask if they want to do anything after classes etc.. but nothing is sticking. i know no-one at this college and already i hear the occasional giggle behind my back.

For about 2 years now i have been s/h and trying to talk to counsellors on ChildLine about it, i phoned up once and really opened up. But nothing seems to be working. I keep getting thoughts everywhere i go (on the bus, on the bike, in class or when asleep) telling me that i should kill myself and get out of everyone's way.

I came VERY close to it [...] ....but i guess my conscience snapped me out of doing it....... Please help me....i don't think i want to die......... ... .. .

Sam

6/10/11 2.23pm

Hello

Thank you for your letter, well done for getting in touch. It sounds like you have been feeling quite lonely and unsupported lately, I can see that you’re having a tough time at the moment. I’m really concerned to hear about the thoughts you have been having, telling you to kill yourself and I’m so glad that you’re seeking support.

I’m really glad to hear that you have been able to open up to one of the counsellors at ChildLine in the past. It’s important for you to remember that often it can take more than one or two contacts with ChildLine counsellors before you start to make sense of what’s happening. ChildLine is always there to support you.

What dad is doing is wrong. It’s not okay for him to put you down all the time. It sounds like it can be scary when he shouts and gets very close to hitting you for no reason especially when that has happened in the past. You have the right to feel safe at home and nobody is ever allowed to hit you or make you feel threatened.

From what you have said it sounds like you sometimes feel a bit unheard by your mum or misunderstood. You mentioned that you would talk to her but it seems like you feel as though she might dismiss what you say. I want you to know that I believe what you are saying and I think you are really brave to have told me.

You’ve told me that although you like the guy who mum’s engaged to, you’re finding it weird and depressing and you hate stepfamilies. Getting used to a new family set up can be difficult. There have been a lot of changes going on for you lately, which can be quite confusing and unsettling.

You said that the main problem for you at the moment is that you feel as though everywhere you go you’ve been bullied. Sounds like you have been through a really hard time with bullying in the past, I’m also thinking it must have been quite tough to have changed school several times. It can be difficult to adjust to a new environment especially when you feel shy and quiet. Your friend moving away was also a big loss, that must have been very hard for you.

I can see that you’ve felt very left out and isolated at school in the past. I’m glad to hear that you are really trying your best to talk to people at college and trying to make plans with them. Sounds like you are feeling a bit disappointed with the outcome at the moment. Perhaps you might like to join some extra curricular activities, clubs or societies that the college might run? That way you might meet some like-minded people in a more structured environment.

It also seems as though you are feeling a bit anxious in case the bullying is starting again. There is a lot going on for you at home and at College. You might want to have a think about talking to a teacher or an adult at College that you trust about it. That way your college might be able to support you better.

I’m also very concerned to hear about your self-harm. It sounds like you are finding it hard to keep your self safe at the moment. Your doctor/GP is also there to support you. You may want to consider talking to your doctor about your thoughts and feelings. You can check their confidentiality policy out with the receptionist when you are making an appointment. If you are aged 16 and above, you have the right to confidential advice and treatment.

It would be great if you could keep talking to ChildLine about these things, perhaps calling 0800 1111 or using online chat to talk with a ChildLine counsellor. It’s important that you are able to keep yourself safe and the ChildLine counsellor will be able to support you through everything that’s going on and talk about your options and what you might want to do next. Hope this helps.

Take care,

I don't know why I do it....

It feels like I annoy ChildLine as I contact them a lot....

But nothing helps....

It's getting worse....

I feel suicidal....

I lie, say I feel better after 1-2-1 chats....

Things at home

hey, im katee , im 12/13 and i live with my mum ,dad and my sisters some times comes over....

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