Hi there
Thanks for your letter.
I think you have been really brave and honest to own up to having all of these feelings. I can see you are having a difficult time at the moment.
When someone dies, people often deal with it in really different ways, and supporting somebody else can be very difficult. It is important that you are able to look after your own feelings too.
I am worried that you have thought about suicide or running away. This would not be a solution to your problems, there are people who can support you - you do not have to go through this alone. You can get in contact with a ChildLine counsellor, as sharing a problem or a worry is really important, and we will always listen to you. Together with the counsellor you can work out how they can best help support you.
You have told me that you have self-harmed for some time and feel that this helps you to cope. Can you think of any other ways you could express your feelings without hurting yourself? It sounds as though you are feeling like you have to deal with self-harm by yourself. You might find it helpful to take a look at the message boards on the ChildLine website.
You have tried alcohol and getting high as ways to cope. These can be harmful and make you vulnerable and offer only a temporary way to deal with problems. It’s good that you have decided not to try them again.
It sounds as though you have some friends, but you still feel lonely. There maybe some opportunities at school where you can make some new friends. Have a think about any clubs or activities that you might like to join.
It sounds as though your pets are very comforting for you, but they can’t talk back, how would you feel about contacting ChildLine on 0800 11 11 to speak to a ChildLine counsellor?
You may find the following websites useful: Depression in teenagers or Winston's Wish.
Take Care
Sam