Hi there
Thank you for getting in touch to ask about something that is making you feel really upset. In your letter you mention how you feel since your girlfriend has left you, especially because you love her so much. You also mention that you are feel that you are ‘dying inside’, and that you feel like you don’t know what to do at the moment. You have mentioned, as well, that although you know there are other girls out there, at the moment you just want to see how to get back to the relationship you had with your girlfriend.
I think that the most important thing to do right now is to give yourself some time to think through what happened leading up to the breakup. Maybe put together a short list of some of the things you felt were going well, and some that, when you think about it, you might like to have happened differently. It’s important that this list is about what you think and feel rather than what anyone else, including what your girlfriend says. This is because it will help you understand what you can and can’t do about changing the situation.
Often, when relationships break down, the person who leaves isn’t willing or able to really talk about the reasons for this calmly. This leaves the other person not knowing what went wrong. I wonder if this has happened in your case, as it seems from what you have said that it happened quite unexpectedly?
Sometimes it seems that the only way to move forward is to persuade the other person to talk about why the breakup happened, but his can sometimes make the situation worse and end any chance of even being friends in the future. It’s important that you talk it through, and maybe write down your feelings and frustrations about not knowing why or how this happened. This is so that you can begin to create a clear space in your mind and heart to look at what you want to happen next.
Since you have made a really good start by writing to me, maybe the next step for you could be to contact a ChildLine counsellor to talk it through with someone who is there to listen and help you think about what to do. If you would like to ring ChildLine the number is 0800 1111 or you can go online for a 1-2-1 chat. You could also look at the Sex and relationships message board to get support and advice from others on ChildLine.
Take care,
Sam