Hi there,
Thank you for your letter. It sounds like your feelings for this family member have been really difficult for you to live with by yourself. Living with thoughts about things that have happened to you can leave you feeling really alone, especially when it involves someone so close and you still have to see such as a family member. It shows a lot of bravery that you are able to talk about it honestly here, and I’m really glad that you did.
Reading your letter, it sounded like it was very difficult for you to be able to talk about what makes you hate them. It's often difficult to talk about painful things that have happened to us. It’s important to remember that you’re doing absolutely nothing wrong if you do decide to talk about it.
You said that you weren’t sure whether or not you should talk about it. I can imagine lots of thoughts going through your mind about what might happen if you did, maybe you're worried you might get into trouble if you did tell someone what was said or done to you. At the same time, I can see how much you didn’t like what happened, it’s important to remember if someone else has done something to you that you don’t like; it doesn’t automatically mean that you’ve done something wrong.
Sometimes it can help to think a little about what might happen if you did talk to someone, and who you might feel is best to talk to. Thinking about and even imagining what you might say can really help to build your confidence for when you do take the first step and talk to someone. It’s important to remember that you don’t have to say anything that you don’t feel ready to yet, and it’s okay to take a few tries to be able to. Some people find that practicing what they want to say in the mirror on their own, or in a letter, can help them feel more confident about getting help.
A really good first step can be to talk to a ChildLine counsellor. ChildLine are there to give children and young people a safe space that they can talk about anything that might be happening. You can say as much or as little as you like to them about how you are feeling and what’s been happening. Talking to them can help you feel more confident about talking to other people in your life, and if you’d like to, think about who might be best to speak to. You can talk to a counsellor online through the 1-2-1 chats (which work like MSN), by emailing them or even calling on 0800 1111 (it’s completely free and won’t show up on the phone bill).
Take care,
Sam