16.1.11 hate life!
I abs hate being like this, nice way to start off the new year but crying, being depressed, grieving what else could go wrong??
I hate being in consent moods where am either angry, sad or bottled up. These moods normally lead to is snapping at people or having arguments or just sitting there crying. What else can I do am a 14 year old girl who basically has lost the way of life. I used to be Sooo hyper, fun to be around or I was always laughing but now have you saw is am a mess!!
The actual thoughts that are running through my head are suicidal. I know it sounds bad but there just thoughts I don't think I would have the guts to go that far. I will have the moments now of thinking how will I die or will people miss is!
There is no meaning of my life atm there is none of is left to go back to the happy place where I originally was. Yess I will have the occasional odd smile or laugh but I put a face on most of the rest of the time.
Everyone is worried about is, I just think why am not important wtf am like any other person there's nowt special about is. So what's the need of is living if everyone else around is, is the same as is!!
I feel like everyone else in the world is against is liek they hate is or that they are annoyed with is like am not wanted. Even the closest people are against is. No one is talking to is or has even tried to make a proper convo. There the people who I need right now and it seems like they dont care or either cba with me as a person. I feel like my mam is even against is she's constantly shouting at is, causing is to feel bad for nothing or it's either that or she makes is feel like abs crap that am worth nothing at all.
I am starting to lie in bed wondering if I can put up with living another day in this way because it feels like a living hell. I'll get to sleep by either crying my self to or by listening to music till yon time.
This is how I felt last night. Kinda wrote it as I would say it. can you help?
bye sam