Hi there,
Thanks for your letter. It is really brave that you have been able to share with how you feel about yourself. I want to let you know that you are not alone, lots of people feel self-conscious about parts of themselves. Even those that may not seem self-conscious, or that you think are perfect.
It sounds like that when those boys were teasing you a year ago about your nose that this has knocked your self-confidence and affected how you feel about yourself. It’s good that the bullying has stopped, but the things that they said seem to have stayed with you. What these boys did was wrong. No one has the right to make you feel this way about yourself.
I can see that you feel that getting a nose job when you are older will make you much happier, and at the moment you find it hard to believe that you may feel differently about yourself in the future. Everyone is different and what you may see as a flaw others may see it as part of you and your uniqueness.
When you feel low it can be difficult not to focus on negative thoughts. Maybe you could think about all the things that you do like about yourself and write these down. You could put them somewhere that you will see them daily to remind yourself. It can help to repeat out loud the positive things about yourself. The more you repeat the positives the more it will start to help build your confidence. There are more helpful tips in Explore about building confidence and self-esteem.
You mention you have anxieties about moving schools which is completely understandable. Maybe you could think about ways that you and your friends are planning to keep in touch.
It sounds like you use smoking as a way to cope with everything that is going on for you. Maybe now's a good time to think of other ways to cope. A ChildLine counsellor would be able to talk you in more detail about coping strategies, and you could work together to try and find the one that works for you.
You cover a lot in your letter. I can see you have a lot going on for you, with moving schools, your family relationships and smoking, all of which a ChildLine would counsellor would be able to help support with. If you felt ready, you could talk to one either on a 1-2-1 chat, by calling 0800 1111 (calls are free) or by sending an email.
Take care,
Sam