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Topic Urm......everything? 

Question

To Sam 

24/10/11 5.55pm 

Urm......everything? 

Wow, I'm nervous. Hi, Sam. I've been feeling kinda depressed lately and I guess I need to lift the weight off my chest.

I'm 13. Just so you know. Anyway, everything's kinda getting on top of me. It's basically 3 main subjects: Family, Friends, and Relationships. Although I don't know whether those last two are the same thing. Probably. Anyway, I'll list them in seperate paragraphs, so it's easier to understand.

Family.

I live in a 2 bedroomed bungalow with my mother, father,  21 year old sister and 20 dogs. No joke. My mother has Emphysema and really can't cope with the dogs, seeing as most of them are puppies and aren't house trained yet. It's half term right now, and every few minutes it seems my mother is calling me to clean up wee or poo, or let one of them out into the back garden. It's really frustrating, because it seems I can't do anything without having to watch the dogs. I am usually not allowed out with my friends because my mum is alone here with them. I keep hinting that we have too many, and that we should get rid of some, but they're either ignoring my signs or I'm not being obvious enough. I am with Barnardos Young Carers because of mum's illness, but I don't really think it's helping.

My sister got attacked a few years back, and ever since then my parents have been really over protective. My dad really dislikes my friends, and calls my ginger friend 'carrot-top' behind her back. He's really immature, and he and mum don't really like each other. My mother has threatened to leave him many times before, but I guess she wouldn't be able to cope without him. My mother screams a lot. A whole lot. I understand that she gets frustrated because she isn't able to do much around the house, but it seems she is incapable of an inside voice. When my friends came to call for me, she screamed at them to eff off because they were making the dogs bark. They didn't really appreciate it. Don't get me wrong, I love my parents to pieces, but they really get on my nerves at times.

And so does my sister. She's spiteful, ignorant and plain selfish. She winds me up deliberatly, and does anything within her power to get me in trouble or grounded. I wait for the blessed day she moves out. But she can be okay. When she wants to be.

Friends.

I tell my friends almost everything, including my problems at home. And they help, for the most part. But a couple of weeks ago, I moaned to them about my mother being unfair, and they threatened to call social services. That wouldn't really help.

My one friend, the ginger one, is bascally good as gold. But my other friend is very critical. She critisises nearly everything about me, my makeup and school work included. I'm quite academic, but she always tries to out-do me, and not in a 'friendly-competition' way. She also makes horrible jokes about my friend's hair colour, and last year she stabbed my with a pencil, and the lead actually snapped off inside my arm. We're getting quite pee'd off by her.

She always thinks she's better than everyone else, and plays on the fact that her father disowned her a few months ago. She uses it in almost any argument to trump anyone else's point. For example, I wear Lynx, the men's deodarant. Don't ask me why, I just prefer it to the girly perfumes. I wore a different one to school the other day, and she shouted that I smelled like Roger (her father, or ex-father as she calls him). She basically uses it to get everyone's attention and sympathy.

Relationships.

2 years ago, I had my first boyfriend. He happened to be my critical friend's ex. We were together for 3 months, before he dumped me saying 'he'd rather stay friends'. I was heart broken. I don't care what anyone says about being too young for love, I genuinely believed I was in love with him. It hurt like hell when he left me, and I kinda got obsessed. Very obsessed. Not the smartest thing to do, I know, but it was the one way to ensure that he was still in my life. But later on, I found out he'd told one of his friends that he'd never loved me, that he'd just gone out with me because he pitied me. That was a kick in the teeth. I then went out with his friend as a rebound, but it ended badly. While I was with him, I performed a sexual act on him. My friends found out, and they haven't let it go since. Nearly everyone in my year knows now, and it's kind of embarrassing.

Recently, I got attached to a guy in the year below me. I told my ginger friend, and she was fine with it. But then a few days later she told me she had started liking him. And then we found out he liked her back. We went out for the day, me, her, this guy and his friend. In the evening, they went somewhere to talk, and afterwards I found out that he had wanted her to touch his penis, but she had said no. I doubt she declined, though. Anyway, I knd of distanced myself from him. He moved school last week, and she has been really upset, and I try to comfort her, but I can't let her see that I'm upset too. It's easier to put on a brave face for her, than for us both to be upset.

It seems everyone I am attracted to likes her. My first boyfriend, my second boyfriend, the guy we both liked. Still I'm not surprised. I am morbidly obese (the Wii fit told me) and quite ugly. My nose is huge, I have spots and I'm just generally not pretty. She is basically my opposite. She is thin and beautiful. This upsets me immensely. I guess I'm just envious. It's hard not to be though.

Anyway, that is why I have been feeling depressed  recently. I have self harmed before and have recently thought about doing it again, just to relieve the stress. I have also thought about committing suicide. I have an en suite bathroom, and I often imagine drowning myself in the bath. But I know I can't go through with it. I couldn't bear to hurt my family like that.

I look forward to your reply. It would be interesting to see if you have a coping method I could use. Thank you for reading this. I know it's kinda long.

Bye

Sam's answer

Sam 

2/11/11 4.22pm 

Hi there

Thanks for getting in touch it’s really good that you feel you want to get that weight off your chest. Things at home do seem to be really hard at the moment and it’s having a big impact on everyone at home’s mood and health. Being a young carer is something which is really hard and I can hear how much you’re trying to cope with all the things going on. Living at home with three adults and 20 dogs sounds very cramped and it sounds like that you are caring for a lot of the dogs as well as your mum.

Everyone at home seems to be frustrated and this makes it really hard for you to be able to get on and for you to be heard. Sounds like you feel you’d like a bit more support at the moment to deal with your mum, dad, sister and the dogs. Talking can be a good start to working towards getting a bit more support so well done for getting in touch and wanting to talk.

Managing your friend can be a tricky business and it sounds like that one friend of yours is making it hard for you to get on with her. It also sounds like your friend has a lot going on for her at the moment and finds it hard to express her feelings in any other way. Sometimes it can help to sit down with friends and to talk to each other to try and find out how you’d like to support each other. I can hear how close you are to your friends and would like to keep their support and friendship.

How you look and dealing with people you're attracted to, boyfriends and ex-boyfriends, can be difficult and can leave many people feeling insecure about how they look. This can be upsetting when people compare themselves to others like their friends. Comparing yourself like that can make it hard for people to be happy with the person they are. The pressure of fitting in and finding a boyfriend can be hard, but it is also important to recognise who you are and what you want in the long run.

There is a lot of information about many of the things you have talked about in the Explore section of the ChildLine website and the messages boards. The Site website is also really good and having a look at it may get give you some idea of how you can deal with how things are for you at the moment.

It’s concerning to hear that you are thinking about suicide and what you have thought about doing, you feel like you can’t go through with it due to how much it would hurt your family.

Many people tell ChildLine that talking about how their feeling can help it also sounds like you would like some advice and to have someone to help you think about what your options maybe. You can talk to a ChildLine counsellor, and they might be able to help you understand your feelings and will want to work with you to find a way forward. If you were thinking about self-harming or suicide ChildLine would really like to talk to you, to listen to you can to support you.

Take care,

Sam

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So confused :/

Hi Sam,...
okay, so recently I keep on thinking about my step grandad (who sexually abused me when I was 9, I'm now 15) I think about all the memories of it for some reason :( Also, i've been having...

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:/

:/

Hey, ive been feeling really low lately and i find nothing helps me, last year i tried to kill myself, this was the fourth time i had tried in my life, and at the moment i am pretty close to...

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I can't deal with so much stress anymore!

I can't deal with so much stress anymore!

Why do I always have to put up with too much stress?...
At home, I get really stressed because of my mum's constant nagging at me, I don't understand how she cannot loose her voice! She doesn't understand how I...

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I feel no emotions :(

I feel no emotions :(

 hey, I haven't contacted childline before but my friend suggested I do......
so like,for as long as I remember I can't feel any emotions,...
everyone thinks I just bottle up how I feel and don't talk about it...
but I...

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my head hurts from thinking terrible thoughts too much

my head hurts from thinking terrible thoughts too much

I feel like I can't talk to anyone....

Sometimes I think about what it would be like to die, & think about cutting myself & even starving myself because even though I know I'm thin & people tell me that,...

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Help_

Help

im so depressed i ry alot i know people dont like me, my sister always says go away no one wants me here everyone says iam annoying and even when i dont i can see it on their faces that...

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Self harm_

Self harm

Hi there,...

Thanks for writing to me to ask for some help, I know that this is a really brave thing to do and I appreciate it might have taken lots of courage to do this, especially as you said...

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Self-harming and feeling down!

Self-harming and feeling down!

Hi,...
i self harm quite a lot mostly everyday because people make me really upset and for a few months i have been cutting really deep that ive had to go to hospital to get stitches and im scared that...

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rape

rape

i was raped bout 3 months ago i have told the police and he is arested it is 25 to 2 in the morning now and i have got insomnia ihave got that because i stay up all night oing...

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suicide, running away and self harm

suicide, running away and self harm

Today ive had an big argument with my mam and felt really bad about what i said to her. I have a lot of arguments with my mam, while we were having a argument i told her to leave me...

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Self-harm

Self-harm

Hi, Sam....

I'm P* and I'm 14 years old. I got in trouble in school for carrying a small knife which I hardly ever used. I carried it for sharpening pencils as I always did in Russia (I came here...

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Self Harm

Self Harm

I harm myself all the time. It's really annoying because my parents get cross at me. Sometimes I bite myself if I get a question wrong or do something I shouldn't have done. Sometimes I hit my head of a...

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There's a sadness covered up by gladness.

There's a sadness covered up by gladness.

Hi, i am depressed but at school i act happy. I dont know if this is normal but recently i havent been depressed and people are realizing. I also cut myself and others are seeing that as well! i know...

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Self harming and can't cope

Self harming and can't cope

I used to self harm ages ago but I stopped then I met this person who made me feel so worthless so I started again and I couldn't stop. That person told the school who made me tell my parents...

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my self harm

my self harm

i have only been self harming for a couple of days,but everytime i get upset (which is a lot) i cut my wrists,i do it because i cant take it out on anyone else because im small and people will...

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losing hope

losinghope

Im 17 years old and im in my first year of college. For years now ive had an ongoing problem with my family they dont like who i am i dont like them, we do get on well sometimes, but...

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Depression running in my family, I'm scared that myt get it.

Depression running in my family, I'm scared that myt get it.

Hi Sam,...

Depression runs in my family, tragic and new events have happened around me these past months, and I thought I was dealing with the good things and bad things in proportion to cause. Except recently I feel so...

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Am I bad?

Am I bad?

Hi Sam,...

Bad things happen to all my friends. My youth leaders keep cutting me off when I try to talk about it. There is one teacher who I trust but I'm scared she will think I'm making a fuss....

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suicide

suicide

Hi, since i was 11 ive been starting to find myself, it took me a while and i'm still going now but ive been feeling extreamly low recently... i've had so many thoughts of killing myself. My step father used...

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Stressed and self- confidence

Stressed and self- confidence

I feel really stressed and have no self-confidence in myself. I have been shy before and ever since I started school and I lack in self-confidence. Especially as it is coming up to Exam time I am very low in...

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Confidentiality

Confidentiality means not telling anyone else about what you’ve said. 

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