Hi there
Thanks so much for your letter. It can be really hard to be a brother or sister to someone with a disability, especially because of all the difficult feelings that you have to deal with. It sounds like your brother’s Autism really affects your life and that you’re feeling lost and out of control.
It concerns me that you’ve hurt yourself a few times, but I'm glad you've realised that it's not a good way of dealing with your feelings. By telling me what you're going through it's a really brave first step at dealing with your self-harming. You can always call ChildLine and speak to a counsellor if you'd like to speak about it more - it’s a really good idea to let someone know what you’re going through. There’s lots of information on the ChildLine website about self-harm - it might help to look at the ideas there.
Your feelings are very important and you’ve been brave to talk about what life’s like at home. I can hear that you’ve tried to explain to your mum how you’re feeling. I wonder how you'd feel writing her a letter? That way she can read it and really take in what you’ve said.
When you’re a sibling of someone with Autism, it’s really important to get some time and space for yourself, because you spend a lot of time having to put someone else’s needs first. Think about the things you enjoy doing in life and try and make time to do them. You described how stressful things can be in the mornings and that the arguments really upset you. It’s normal to have a mixture of feelings about your brother and it might help to express your feelings. You mentioned that writing things down made you feel worse - perhaps you could find another way of letting your feelings out that works better for you. What works for you will depend on the things you like doing, maybe drawing how angry you’re feeling?
You described how you feel that other people are going through worse things. What you’re going through and feeling matters and it’s important that school knows how much you’re dealing with so that people can try to support you. Maybe have a think about telling an adult you trust at school.
There’s an organisation called Sibs UK that supports people who have a brother or sister with a disability. There are lots of ideas on the website about how to cope with difficult situations and you can read about other young people’s experiences - sometimes it can help to know that you’re not alone. Take a look at the Sibs UK website. It might also help to look at the National Autistic Society website at www.nas.org.uk which gives information about support available for families who are caring for someone with Autism.
It appears that some days are really hard and perhaps you might like to talk to someone when you’re having a day like that. You can get in touch with ChildLine 24/7. The phone number is 0800 1111 and you can call free. If you sign up for a ChildLine account you can also send an email or have a 1-2-1 chat online with a counsellor.
Take care
Sam