Hello Lorna
Thank you for your letter telling me how you’ve struggled with suicidal feelings in the past and continue to struggle with managing your really strong impulse to self harm.
You’ve told me that, even though you understand why you self harm, it’s still proven very difficult to stop. I admire that you’ve tried to set yourself some goals about not self harming too often. I also know and understand that sometimes it can be just too hard to make that happen. I don’t see that as a failure on your part at all. Rather, I think you’re trying to be brave all on your own and, inevitably, that can have its ups and downs when dealing with something as complicated as self harm.
It sounds like it would be very hard for you to talk with your parents now about your self harm, after telling them you’ve stopped. But I also know how hard it is to control the impulse to self harm without some kind of support from adults.
And, finally, you’ve asked for some tips for stopping your self harm. I’m hoping you can make contact either online or by phone (0800 1111) – to talk to a ChildLine counsellor about this. It’s helpful to have a back and forth conversation, since the same ideas don’t work for everyone. Generally, they would want to talk to you about all kinds of things relating to self harm, including safety and reducing risks.
As for tips for stopping, a ChildLine counsellor might talk to you about ideas that relate to distracting yourself when you feel the urge to self harm – everything from taking a walk, listening to loud music, punching a pillow, or using ice to numb a spot where you might usually hurt yourself. In fact, last time I checked our message board on self harm, there were about 30 ideas that young people had posted, as they support one another on this very issue.
Writing to me is a great start and I’m hoping that talking to ChildLine will help you feel less alone and like you have some options relating to self harm and how you might get support from adults in your community. Sometimes that’s a parent, or a doctor or a counsellor.
Take care,
Sam