Hi there
Thanks for taking the time out to write to me. I can hear that things have been difficult for you and that you are trying really hard to deal with some very difficult feelings, memories and flashbacks. It seems like you have also had to be very strong, at times when you have maybe felt far from strong.
It's understandable that you feel as though there is so much emotion held inside you as you have had to hold all of these feelings inside for so long. How would it feel to think if you can choose to let some of those feelings go when you want too and that no one will rush you or force you to talk about anything that you didn’t want too?
In time you could take control of the emotions, feelings, memories and flashbacks, rather than feeling as though they control you. It must feel so hard to cope with everything when you feel you have to keep all of these feelings inside and no-one knows how you are feeling inside. I’m wondering how you feel the therapy and medication is going for you?
It sounds as though you are also worried about your mum’s and family's health, how would it be to think about talking to ChildLine about this so that you could talk to someone without having to worry about their feelings? The call would be for you and only you. ChildLine Counsellors are there for you when you feel you need them to be.
If you want you could talk about this to a ChildLine counsellor, you can talk through the 1-2-1 online chat, by email or you can call them on 0800 1111 (it’s completely free and won’t show up on the phone bill).
I’m aware that many young people self-harm to help them to cope with difficult feelings and flashbacks. It’s important that you self-harm as safely as possible and also use antiseptic and plasters to keep any wounds clean and safe, to prevent any possible infections. You may find the Young minds website useful.
When you tell me you would like some advice on how to accept your childhood, you may find the information about Domestic violence on the ChildLine website useful and also the message boards, this is where other young people can read and post messages to each other.
You have made a really brave step writing to me to talk about this and ChildLine are here for you, you don’t have to go through this on your own.
Take care for now
Sam