Hi there
It’s so good to hear from you and you have done a brave thing to talk about your feelings in such an honest way. I can see that you are having a tough time at the moment. It sounds like you are not happy with yourself right now and you are also questioning how much the people around you care about you and wonder if you really have friends at all.
It is perfectly normal to get to a stage in your life when you begin to question yourself, friendships and family relationships. It sounds like this is a challenging time and a time when you can change things for the better if you are able to think carefully about how you really want things to be different in the future.
You mention that you are always unhappy, hate yourself and think you are evil. The words you have chosen are really strong and they show how deeply these thoughts are affecting you inside. It is good that you have shared this with me today and I wonder how it would be to talk to one of our counsellors. You could do this through online chat, by sending a private email, or by phoning 0800 1111. I'd really like you to talk with a ChildLine counsellor in more detail about the issues you have raised so you can get some support and help.
I can see that you think that people talk about you, laugh at your weight and don’t accept you for who you are. This makes you feel that you want to be alone. Some of the issues that you are struggling with may be linked with self-esteem and because of that I am wondering if it would help to look at our message board on self-esteem.
You mention that there is more going on for you and you don’t want to be a burden. ChildLine counsellors are here to listen to whatever you want to talk about. ChildLine is a confidential service and that means what you say won’t go any further unless you want it to or your life is in danger. This means that Childline is a safe place to discuss your hopes, fears and what you would like to change to make life happier for you in the future.
I hope you will get in contact again.
Take care,
Sam