Hi there. I'm Emily, and I'm 12 years old.
I suppose you get a lot of e-mails like this - i've read through the website.
Lately, I just feel really depressed, awkward at school, and my life is just going downhill. I have horrible mood swings, and I have a really bad temper. I flare up like a forest fire, and when I've started, I can't stop. I scream at my parents, and say really bad stuff. Then they get offended and start screaming back, and once they've tried to hit me, but not very hard. Once my dad grabbed me and pulled me across the landing, and I got a carpet burn, but I was winding them up quite a bit. If a parent hits you, even when you've been winding them up, does that count as an offence?
Anyway, when I have these mood swings, everything goes out of my head and I just concentrate on one thing - to scream at my parents and make them feel bad. I kick at the door and then storm into my room afterwards. When I've calmed down, I go downstairs and say sorry, but my parents never really seem to forgive me. I want to learn ways to control my anger - I even lashed out on my best friend that I've known since Year 2 - we had a massive argument last week and she said she never wanted to know me. I really need ways to control my anger.
Also, at school, I don't have very many friends. They all leave me to myself, and call me a nerd because I like English, but mostly leave me alone. When around people, I go all shy and can't make eye contact whatsoever. And every time someone tries to talk to me I feel like I want to cry, weirdly. All the people in my school are really confident because its a private school (I went to a states school in primary) and so I cant come out of my shell, and i am hopeless at drama.
Also, one moment, I'll feel happy, and the next I'll be slamming the door. I just feel so messed up right now, and sometimes I think too deeply and say stuff I don't mean, and hurt my parents, and I scream and shout when I don't mean to. My parents say I'm immature and a baby, because I'm 12 and shouldn't be acting like this.
Please, if you read this, reply back. Thank you :-) It would really help me.