Hi
Thanks for writing - you’ve done the right thing by asking for support.
There are a couple of things about your letter that strike me. The first is that you are doing your best to be a good friend to someone who is in need of a great deal of help and support. The second thing is that this experience seems to be leaving you feeling stressed and helpless. It is important that you get the support you need as well.
From what you’ve said, your friend is experiencing some very difficult emotions and although she is turning to you for support, she is also receiving a lot of professional support from counselors, psychiatrists and CAMHS workers. These people are all highly trained to respond to the difficulties your friend is experiencing. I’m concerned that, although you’re doing your best to help your friend, you may have found yourself in a position where it's very difficult for you to cope.
I’d suggest that you think about what kind of support you need around you and perhaps write down a list. It might also be a good idea to write down a list of the things that you would like to say to your friend and be very clear about what you want to say and how you might feel saying them.
By reading your letter, I can see some very clear statements, which might be put directly to your friend, such as:
• I am terrified to be left alone with you because I can’t handle some of the things you say.
• I have tried to talk to other adults, but nothing is making me feel better.
• I feel completely helpless.
• What you are saying is hard for me to hear.
Can you think of some other things you would like to say to your friend? These kinds of statements might be difficult things to say, but it is important that you feel able to express your feelings and communicate them to your friend.
Also, please remember that, no matter how bad things are for your friend, these feelings belong to her.They don’t belong to you. It can be difficult to become detached from another person’s feelings, but it is important to begin to build some resilience for yourself and to stay in touch with your own feelings, which is why I’ve suggested writing things down. .
If you do feel able to talk to your friend, consider how you might say it. When faced with someone who is very anxious, having mood swings or expressing suicidal feelings, it is best to remain very calm. Think about your feelings and try not to get annoyed or anxious yourself. By staying calm and telling your friend how you are feeling, it will be harder for your friend to argue with you.
Finally, I wonder how you might feel if you took a break from your friend? You might even want to consider some kind of arrangement or bargain, whereby you both take a break, she agrees to talk to her counsellor and then, perhaps a week later, you meet up again to discuss how she is getting on. By taking a break, you might find you can approach this friendship in a different way.
ChildLine is here to support you. There are many different ways you can talk with a ChildLine counsellor. Please stay in touch - we’d love to hear how you are getting on.
Take care
Sam